Roy Masters -The Man Who Knows Everything

 www.roymasters.com  -- a parody/criticism site devoted to Roy Masters and his activities
"Won't Somebody Challenge Me?"

"Won't Anybody Tell Me That I'm Wrong?"
"Nobody Has Ever Said, 'Mr. Masters, This Is Where I Disagree With You'" 
"I Welcome Any Challenges"
 "I Need Some Criticism" 
He said that "All  Women Are WHORES."
He said that "All Women Are PROSTITUTES."
He called Princess Diana a "WHORE" the day after she died.
He called himself "The Closest Thing On Earth To JESUS."
He implied that Mother Teresa is in "HELL."
He said that "All Democrats are COMMUNISTS."

He called The President A "SOCIALIST," "DICTATOR" and "THE BEAST"
He said "GOOD" and "I'M GLAD" the day after John Lennon died.
He said that "All Liberals are COMMUNISTS."
 He constantly puts down WOMEN. 
He continually has criticized AMERICA and AMERICANS.

 FOR 50 YEARS, ROY MASTERS HAS BEEN MAKING SENSATIONAL, OUTRAGEOUS, INFLAMMATORY STATEMENTS ON THE AIR.
HE HAS REPEATEDLY ASKED FOR SOMEONE TO CHALLENGE HIM.
THIS IS YOUR CHALLENGE ROY.
This website is brought to you by: The First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America-- Freedom of Speech; The Fair Use Provisions of the 1976 U.S. Copyright Laws 17 U.S.C. sec 107; and the U.S. Supreme Court "Parody" Decision 92-1292 Luther R. Campbell aka Luke Skywalker, et.al, v. Acuff-Rose Music, Inc.
  
Roy Masters -The Man Who Knows Everything


          WELCOME TO WWW.ROYMASTERS.COM

 ALL ROY...ALL THE TIME

"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain" 




ROY MASTERS--Self Appointed Minister!
ROY MASTERS--Self Appointed Human Relations Expert!
ROY MASTERS--Self Appointed Cult Leader!
ROY MASTERS--Self Appointed Advice Giver!
ROY MASTERS--Self Appointed Physicist!
ROY MASTERS--Self Appointed Exorcist!

ROY MASTERS--Arrested 4 times in his life!
ROY MASTERS--Punched his grandchildren and daughter-in-law! ("they hit me first")
ROY MASTERS--Performs exorcisms
ROY MASTERS--Ran a religious cult in Southern Oregon

roymasters@hotmail.com

thank God, this site is not affiliated with Roy Masters or the Foundation of Human Understanding.


------------------------------------------------------------



HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROY!
MAY YOU LIVE TO 100!
---------------------------------------------------------
FEATURED ON WWW.ROYMASTERS.COM:

www.foxnoose.com
 
In addition to this piece of smut which was on the FRONT PAGE
of www.foxnews.com, read the "Fox On Sex" articles where they:
*Encourage Americans including teenagers to have ORAL SEX
*Encourage Americans to MASTURBATE
*Encourage Americans To Have THREE-WAY-SEX
*Encourage Americans To Buy Just The Right VIBRATOR
*Encourage Americans To Engage In EROTIC SPANKING
For Your Reading Enjoyment at: www.foxnoose.com
CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT
WHY FOX NEWS ARE 
PERVERTS, PORNOGRAPHERS
AND CRIMINALS.
  

CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT
CATHY SEIPP AND MAIA LAZAR--
A RIGHT-WINGED MOTHER AND DAUGHTER
THAT TEAMED UP TO LIBEL AND SLANDER 
ONLINE EVERYBODY THEY MET! 


 



  



CLICK HERE TO DRESS UP ROY MASTERS
AND HIS FRIENDS IN DIFFERENT OUTFITS.
LOADS OF FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY! 


--------------------------------------------------------- 
ROY DREAMS LAST NIGHT










---------------------------------------------------------

 AT AGE 3, ROY CONTEMPLATES HOW HE CAN TAKE AWAY THE OTHER KIDS TOYS AND MAKE THEM BELIEVE HE'S DOING THEM A FAVOR.
----------------------------------------------------------
THIS IS REAL
CYBERBULLY/CYBERSTALKER
JACKIE DANICKI ATTACKS
BRAVE AND COURAGEOUS
DENVER POLICE OFFICER

Cyberbully/Cyberstalker Jackie Danicki has decided to attack a dedicated Denver police officer-- even posting his name to defame him.
She writes publicly:

"That’s what you can expect if you have the misfortune of  Denver cop Patrick Hayden being dispatched to the scene of your accident."
"Imagine being hit by a car, only for the police to take forever to show up, then give you a hard time about wanting to file a report."
She then further belittles him:
"The cop doesn’t so much as offer you a seat in his warm backseat as he takes 30 minutes to chat on his cell phone and fill in forms while you stand waiting in the cold for a half hour."
She then shows her contempt towards all police officers:
"Denver’s finest? I sure hope not."

This cyberbully has no respect for the law.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


MICHAEL Y. PARK 
CREATES NEW
MARRIAGE CATEGORY AND LIFESTYLE IN AMERICA




 5th rate hack and deceiver Michael Y. Park has created a new marriage category and lifestyle in America.

"There's Heterosexual marriage. There's Homosexual marriage.
And now there's Selfiesexual marriage" says the Fox News stooge.

"I love myself. I have sex with myself. And now I want the right to marry myself."

Park has begun the SelfieSexual Movement in America. 

"Just because I love myself and I love my partner--myself--I am tired of being discriminated against"
exclaims the Fox News lapdog who writes slanted, distorted and twisted stories for Fox News.

"Selfiesexuals are officially out of the closet and I am leading the charge. We won't stop until we have full recognition and rights just like all the straights and gays."

"I want to be able to say 'I Do' and 'I Do' to myself and have it legally recognized! My love for myself is just as deep and emotional as heterosexuals and homosexuals. And what I do in the bedroom with myself is nobody's business!
 SELFIESEXUALS UNITE!"

www.michaelypark.net

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------






--------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
  

The Associated Press
 SOCHI, Russia (AP)
U.S. Olympics team calls on David Masters to salvage dismal CURLING results in the Winter Olympic Games

With America's unfortunate losing streak in the Winter Olympics CURLING sport, the U.S. team has called on junior cult leader David Masters to turn things around.
 "Before he slides it on the ice, he actually talks to the Curling Stone first and tells it that it must obey him and use all of its energy to reach extensive distances" said the captain of the U.S. Curling team.

" I have special abilities which gives me control over humans, animals and even pieces of granite" said David.
"G-O-O-O U-S-A!" shouted the junior cult leader just before flinging the Curling Stone.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------


ROY, ON VALENTINE'S DAY WE WANTED TO
SHARE THIS VINTAGE VALENTINE WITH YOU.
LOVE  from  www.roymasters.com






-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Roy Masters claims that when FHU was in Los Angeles,
John Wayne used to come in all the time to buy materials.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ROY DEVELOPS DISTINCTIVE SIGNATURE

The Foundation of Human Understanding believes they have discovered the reason why their contributions have hit record lows.
"My dad no longer stands out from the abundance of
self help/know-it-all/cult leader/send-me-your-money-gurus
all over the Internet" said Roy clone and son, David Masters.

"We needed to create something that will make Roy Masters stand out from the crowd. And Roy has come up with it! His own distinctive signature!"
 
"People will want to send checks to FHU just so they can get Roy's personal signature on the returned contribution. And he'll use it on his books, CDs and all other FHU products!"
 

"And just think--when Roy drops dead--his signature will become the genesis of the new FHU!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I AM THE ILLEGITIMATE BASTARD SON OF
 KIM IL SUNG AND CATHY SEIPP!

                                       by Michael Y. Park
 








 

In a stunning revelation from what I thought was my own family, I have learned that I am actually the illegitimate bastard son of North Korean dictator Kim Il Sung and cyberbully/cyberstalker Cathy Seipp!


The man and woman who I thought were my mom and dad, Myung-Suck and Young-Soon Park sat me down this past holiday to reveal the long-held truth to me!

The story begins in 1981 in North Korea. With computers starting to take over everywhere, the country of my birth was holding the world's "First Annual Cyberstalking Convention" in Pyongyang as their unique contribution to the new industry.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Potential cyberstalkers from all over the world attended the 3-day event which featured state-of-the-art training in cyberstalking with workshops, lectures and events. Two young women from the United States, Cathy Seipp and her junk food-challenged friend, Jackie Danicki, both whom believed they could turn it into a solid profession, attended the event.

 


 

 

The President of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (which you know as North Korea), Kim Il Sung, proudfully also attended the event, and it was here that he met Cathy Seipp. With his family's long tradition of courting young maidens, he immediately became attracted to her blonde hair and snarky attitude.

 

 Kim Il Sung tests out the newest North Korean computer technology at the convention. His new girlfriend accompanies him in the background.

They had an affair. When she returned to the U.S., Cathy Seipp kept the pregnancy a secret and did her cyberbullying and cyberstalking from home for the next nine months. She privately gave up the baby (me) to a wonderful couple who could not have their own children and I was named Michael Y. Park, the Y. standing for Yon (Lotus Blossom).

 I love the parents who raised me and pointed me in the direction of being a 5th rate deceiving hack and I understand why they have not revealed this to me until I was old enough to comprehend the circumstances.

The exciting news! I have a sister!

Perennial-college-student-on-a-long-term-fantasy-European-vacation-courtesy-of-her-daddy Maia Lazar  is my sister! And she's a cyberstalker just like her mom!

 

 

 

I heard she finally did something with those Russian peasant-woman eyebrows! Fortunately she's in just the right part of the world to deal with even the most difficult of that situation!

Of course this means I'm also related to Kim Jong Il and North Korea's current dictator Kim Jong Un (best friend of cross-dressing basketball great Dennis Rodman). 

I am so pleased to share my real background with you.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


 
1910 Grants Pass, Oregon -- Mark, Michael and David Masters are a bunch of hooligans! After numerous nannies have tried and failed to discipline them, their mother Ann (a suffragette fighting for women's voting rights) decides to find the ultimate caretaker.
 But the boys find out first and write a letter pleading for just the right nanny!
 Their letter flies away in the wind and into the hands of...


 Descending upon Grants Pass, this unconventional nanny,
Maroy Poppins, decides the boys can be put in their place
using magic, music and charm!

SONGS INCLUDE:

"Oh a spoonful of meditation makes
the medicine go down"


"It's a jolly holiday with Maroy"


"Chim chim-in-ey
 Chim chim-in-ey
 Chim chim cher-ee
 Keep sending your money to my family"


"Feed the Masters...
Tuppence a bag"


"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious --
I've got all of you in a state of hypnosis"


"Let's go fly a kite
The Masters are always right!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BREAKING NEWS!
ROY MASTERS TO JOIN "DUCK DYNASTY"
 
Cult Leader Roy Masters will become the newest member of the A&E "Duck Dynasty" TV Show, now that its main member, Phil Robertson, has been kicked off the show for making degrading biblical remarks about homosexuals.
"The amazing thing is that Roy Masters has been making derogatory, inflammatory and condescending remarks about homosexuals for 50 years on the public airwaves--but nobody seems to care when he does it!," said Roberstson who welcomes Roy as a replacement.
A spokesman for GLAAD, the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, agreed with that perspective. "Yes, we've been aware that Roy Masters has said the crudest, most despicable things about Gays and Lesbians for decades--but hey--It's Roy!--and nobody really cares when he says it!

An executive at A&E said that Roy Masters is the perfect replacement. "He says exactly what Phil Robertson was saying plus 100 times worse--and nobody cares! What a deal for the network!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

http://youtu.be/T6i7IBQ7Gn4



 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ROY WONKA


 

ROY WONKA sends out five special GOLDEN TICKETS hidden in his candy bars. The lucky children who find them will be able to come with their families to stay in Grants Pass, Oregon, home of Roy's family and his many enterprises.

FACT: For 15 years, Roy begged, pleaded and cajoled radio listeners to come live in Grants Pass, Oregon,
the "only safe place in America" after nuclear wars start.
Roy explained that due to some complex scientific and geographical factors "the nuclear radiation would pass right over Grants Pass" because of the way it was situated.

FACT: Thousands of people did move there.








 




 
 
Roy shows the winners the mighty splendor that is Grants Pass, Oregon. They look in "AWE" as they see Roybots everywhere in the town--bowing down to Roy Masters and his sons--whom they consider walking Gods on this Earth.



The OOMPA-LOOMPAS join Roy's religious cult and become the busy workers day and night at the Masters' family Tall Timber Ranch. They might not get paid for their work, but they get all the philosophy on life one could ask for.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Want To Write For Fox News?
 Fox News Recommends:


















Hi Everybody! I'm Michael Y. Park.
Not just anybody can write for Fox News.
Only those possessing special propaganda
skills can meet the standards required for
the exclusive brand of twisted news offered
by Fox and News Corp.


At the Michael Y. Park School of Journalism
we will teach you:

*How To Leave All The Pertinent Details Out
of Your Slanted Story
*How To Twist A Story So It No Longer
Resembles Anything Close To The Truth
*How To Include Comments From Liars
In Your Story Thereby Relieving Yourself
Of Any Legal Responsibility

Our Motto:
"Half-Truths Are Better Than No Truth At All"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ROY ADMITS TO LYING ABOUT HIS BOOK ON OPRAH!


 
(AP) In a stunning switch from dismissive to disgusted, Oprah Winfrey took on one of her chosen authors, Roy Masters, accusing him on live television of lying about
"The Roy Masters Story" and letting down the many fans of his memoir of being a cult leader.

"I feel duped," she said on her syndicated talk show. "But more importantly, I feel that you betrayed millions of readers."

Masters, who found himself booed in the same Chicago studio where he had been embraced not long ago, acknowledged that he had lied.

A sometimes angry, sometimes tearful Winfrey asked Masters why he "felt the need to lie." Audience members often groaned and gasped at Masters halting, stuttered admissions that certain facts and characters had been "altered" but that the essence of his memoir was real.

"I don't think it is a novel," Masters said of his book, which had initially been offered to publishers, and rejected by many, as fiction. "I still think it's a memoir."

The broadcast, rare proof that the contents of a book can lead to great tabloid TV, marked an abrupt reversal from the cozy chat two weeks ago on "Larry King Live," when Winfrey phoned in to support Masters and label alleged fabrications as "much ado about nothing."

"I left the impression that the truth is not important," Winfrey said of last week's call, saying that "e-mail after e-mail" from supporters of the book had cast a "cloud" over her judgment.

Masters was questioned about various parts of his book, from the jail sentence he now says he never served for practicing hypnotism without a medical license to running a religious cult, a story he no longer clearly recalls.

Roy Masters’ story about growing up in Brighton, England and living through World War II turned out to be a fantasy as well. “My real name is Reuben Obermeister. I was born in Brooklyn, attended PS 18 and my first job was a door-to-door bagel salesman,” said Masters to the stunned audience of mostly women. “After a few years as a beatnik poet in the clubs of Greenwich Village, I traveled the country as a carnival barker -- not as the nation’s first radio overnight advice giver and cult leader.”

Winfrey, whose apparent indifference to the memoir's accuracy led to intense criticism, including angry e-mails on her Web site, subjected Masters to a virtual page-by-page interrogation. No longer, as she told King, was she saying that emotional truth mattered more than the facts. "Mr. Bravado Tough Guy," she mockingly called the author whose book she had enshrined last fall and whose reputation she had recently saved.

Three years ago, Masters stepped up as publishing's latest and baddest bad boy, with tattoo on his arm "FHU is the bitch" and bearing a defiant and unprintable message. Winfrey's selection made his book a million seller and Masters a hero to many who believed his story was theirs.

“ I thought of myself as being tougher than I was and badder than I was, and it helped me cope," Masters said on Winfrey's show. "And when I was writing the book, instead of being as introspective as I should have been, I clung to that image."

The book’s publisher, the Foundation of Human Understanding, were not spared. Winfrey noted that her staff had been alerted to possible discrepancies in Masters’ book, only to be assured by the publisher. She lectured FHU on its responsibilities: "I'm trusting you, the publisher, to categorize this book whether as fiction or autobiographical or memoir."

In a statement issued later Thursday, FHU, which initially had called the allegations not worth looking into, said it had "sadly come to the realization that a number of facts have been altered and incidents embellished."

Winfrey has banned Roy Masters from her show for life. She has also discontinued her subscription to New Dimensions Magazine, a magazine which Roy Masters claimed he never had anything to do with.

After the show’s taping, Masters drove down to visit “Mancow,” the lewd and obscene Chicago radio show now being syndicated by the Masters family.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ROY MASTERS AND FHU's
NEWEST BIG LIE--
ROY MASTERS WAS A
WORLD WAR II VETERAN

Roy Masters served in the British Army in 1946, almost a year AFTER World War II ended in 1945.

Roy Masters was born in 1928.
He was 11 when the UK was attacked in 1939.
He had just turned 17 around VE Day when the war ended in 1945.

At 18 he was drafted into the British Army in 1946 and never was involved in war of any kind. That makes him a "Post-War Veteran."

All veterans of both the U.S. Army and the British Army always stand ready to defend Democracy whether they are actually involved in a war or helping to supply those that are affected by war in getting on their feet again. They both deserve praise for their service.

However, Roy Masters and FHU are suddenly trying to make you believe that Roy Masters was an active participant in the fighting during World War II--which he was not. Roy did not storm the beaches at Normandy or suffer through the intolerable desert conditions of North Africa.

Roy's non-World War II participation was never even mentioned once in the last 50 years on the radio. All of a sudden he is a World War II veteran.

This is their newest public relations campaign to try and cover up 50 years of Roy denigrating and degrading women and calling them "whores" and "prostitutes."

The man who likes to quote from George Orwell's "1984" is using the same techniques used by Big Brother: Rewrite The Past.

Roy--have some respect for the men who died fighting during World War II--and refer to yourself as a "Post War Veteran" and stop making people assume that you were there on the front lines when the fate of the world was in jeopardy.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ROY MASTERS TO BECOME A MINISTER
OF THE 

 FHU TO BECOME A DIVISION OF FSM

IN WHAT CAN ONLY BE CALLED A REVELATION FROM THE HEAVENS, ROY MASTERS HAS HAD A VISION OF THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER WHO TOLD HIM TO BECOME A PASTAFARIAN MINISTER.




 "I WAS TOUCHED BY HIS NOODLY APPENDAGE" SAYS THE AGING SELF-PROCLAIMED MINISTER.  "IT HAS TAKEN 85 YEARS, BUT THE TRUE GOD HAS BEEN REVEALED TO ME. EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, FHU WILL BECOME A DIVISION OF THE CHURCH OF THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER."





"BY A HEAVENLY ACT, THE LOGO OF THE FOUNDATION OF HUMAN
UNDERSTANDING HAS ALREADY ALWAYS BEEN THE EXACT COLOR OF
THE TRUE GOD."





  "I HAVE ALREADY BEGUN TO PREACH THE WORD OF THE TRUE MASTER"



"ALL FHU WINDOWS ARE BEING MODIFIED."








"I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED PASTA--BUT NOW IT WILL BECOME A
RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE AT THE SAME TIME!"



"I CAN NOW PROUDLY SAY THAT WHEN YOU SUPPORT THE FOUNDATION OF HUMAN UNDERSTANDING, YOU ARE SUPPORTING THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER AND HIS SALVATION FOR ALL MANKIND."





---------------------------------------------------------------------------------



---------------------------------------------------------------------------------







THIS PICTURE IS FROM AN
OFFICIAL ROY MASTERS
WEBSITE WHERE HE COMPARES
HIMSELF TO ALBERT EINSTEIN. 




















THIS IS THE SAME AS KIM KARDASHIAN
COMPARING HERSELF TO AYN RAND.























------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A TYPICAL ROY MASTERS SHOW




9:00 P.M. -- 9:15 P.M:
I'm going to talk about how just how wonderful I am and how I have such amazing abilities.

9:15 P.M. -- 9:30 P.M:
After I'm done telling you that "I'm Not Political" I'm going to talk about how horrible Obama is and how all Democrats are Communists and how the country is becoming Communist and how the government is getting ready to murder 25 million Americans.

9:30 P.M. -- 9:45 P.M:
Now I'm going to beg you to send me money even though I own millions of dollars in property, businesses, and cash accounts.

9:45 P.M. -- 9:55 P.M:
Now I'm going to tell you how wonderful all my high school dropout sons are and how successful they all are and how they all made it on their own, but I will conveniently forget to tell you how I got them all hundreds of thousands of dollars in interest free loans and gifts from my brainwashed followers to start businesses and how I even bought businesses for my high school dropout daughter.

9:55 P.M. -- 10:00 P.M:
Now I'm going to take a call and practice Psychology without a license -- because a loophole in most state laws allow a minister to counsel his churchgoers. But then again, this year I want to be a church for maximum tax deductions, but these years I don't want to be a church for opposite reasons--I just can't make up my mind about that. It's just so confusing.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------






Hi Everybody!

I'm Michael Y. Park.

As you all know, I'm a 5th rate hack who is either smearing people with my amateur scribbling or I'm busy twisting, distorting and slanting stories for Fox News.

I have been given a new assignment directly from the Billy Ray Cyrus family. Looks like little Miley has gotten herself into deep trouble with her lewd, vulgar and obscene performance on MTV the other night and I have been paid by Billy Ray and his on-and-off-again wife Tish to twist, distort and slant this into something admirable. This is a tough assignment, but only I can handle it--so here goes!


 
MILEY CYRUS PERFORMS
ARTISTIC BALLET ON
MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS

 by Michael Y. Park





In what can only be called a stunning artistic achievement of the New Wave of Ballet, ballerina Miley Cyrus took to the stage at the MTV Video Music Awards last night to present a never before seen interpretation of the Romantic Movement influence on Ballet.



In a whirlwind Tour De Force, Ms. Cyrus gracefully rubbed her petite derriere against the vertically-pleated delicate penile area of Robin Thicke creating swirling gyrations that could be emotionally experienced like vibrating rainbows throughout the vast television audience worldwide.













Displaying the artistry of a master virtuoso, Ms. Cyrus continued with a graceful Polonaise as she
accentuated a grand foam finger along the sensitive areas of her embodiment only to be topped by a fondue of
elegance and charm.










Even Teddy Bears have been elevated to a new status thanks to Miley Cyrus. Generally associated with innocence and childhood, Teddy Bears from now on will always be connected with alluring, glamorous and exotic lives.









Miley's mother Tish Cyrus rose to her feet to give her daughter a standing ovation.
"Miley is a role model to little girls everywhere.
Many will want to take up ballet now and create their own artistic interpretations of this luxurious art form."







Billy Ray Cyrus, papa of Miley could not be more delighted. "I am beaming with pride at my little girl's professional performance. This proves that even if your parents have had affairs and a roller-coaster home life, you can still present yourself in the most emotionally-stable, dignified and distinguished manner to the public."









 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Everybody is entitled to change their mind.
It is part of personal growth.
Even for Roy Masters.






Roy's current viewpoint on Martin Luther King clearly matches that of millions of Americans as we commemorate the 50th Anniversary of the "I Have A Dream" speech and the March on Washington.

And that viewpoint is that Dr. King was responsible for taking the strong stand that all Americans should be entitled to the same right, privileges and opportunities and we owe him our respect and admiration.

Such was not the case 22 years ago. After I did a talk radio show paying tribute to Martin Luther King and his work on behalf of equal civil rights for all Americans on a radio station owned by Roy Masters--Roy and a group of his right-winged pig-heads made it very clear to me where they stood on what I did:

"Martin Luther King was a Communist"
"Martin Luther King's organization was filled with Communists"
"There should not be a Federal holiday devoted to Martin Luther King"

 I have had the opportunity to spend time with men who were thrown into jail in the South after they peacefully marched with Martin Luther King. Of course, Roy once thought they were all Communists as well.

Roy--I am glad that you have changed your mind on this--and it appears quite genuine.

People need to know your past on this issue.






-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HOLLYWOOD, CA

AP Entertainment Wire


ROY MASTERS WINS "SURVIVOR" BROADCAST

SURPRISE ENDING TAKES PLACE

A winner has suddenly come forth on the CBS "Survivor" broadcast.

He is 85-year old cult leader Roy Masters.

The television show has pitted a group of men and women against each other on a remote island with one survivor eventually to emerge. Given limited food, supplies and shelter, the individuals created their own survival tactics, formed voting councils and group dynamics.

However, the original plan to get to one winner by the group "voting" somebody off the island every week, suddenly came to a surprise ending.

"Apparently, the remaining group of 10 survivors all quit and let Roy win by default," says a CBS executive. "They said they couldn’t handle Roy anymore, built a homemade raft and left the island."
A former "Survivor" participant  told AP "This guy would sit around constantly babbling about our egos and how it is affecting our relationships or something, and it simply drove all of us crazy." A female prticipant confirms. "Some of us girls hadn't eaten for days and we came across a coconut. Naturally, we tore into

that thing like a Thanksgiving dinner. The next thing we know, Roy is standing over us and saying some weird things like 'that food is sinful and destroying our spirit,' and it simply ruined the experience."

Other participants recounted similar experiences with Roy. A CBS executive who wished to remain anonymous said, "That show was supposed to go another ten weeks. Now everybody quit because of Roy. That's the last time we go selecting somebody just because they are a cult leader!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 SHOULD ROY MASTERS BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE STATEMENTS THAT HE MAKES ON THE PUBLIC AIRWAVES?
In the last two weeks, Roy Masters has made some frightening statements which can create mass panic and fear in America.
*Obama has become a KING and a DICTATOR.
*There will be NO ELECTIONS in America in 2014. They will all be CANCELLED after a STATE OF EMERGENCY is declared.
*The government is getting ready to MURDER 25 million Americans.
*The government has ALREADY PURCHASED 25 million BODY BAGS. (let's hope they weren't Made In China)
There are people who will believe anything they hear and start repeating it to others.
IT IS TIME THAT ROY MASTERS BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE OUTRAGEOUS STATEMENTS THAT HE MAKES OVER THE PUBLIC AIR WAVES ON HIS TAX-DEDUCTIBLE "RELIGION" SHOW.
-------------------------------------------------------------



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


WATCH ROY JOURNEY THROUGH HIS MAGICAL RIGHT-WINGED KINGDOM ON A UNICORN!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


ROY FLEW TO LONDON AND DRESSED UP AS THE TOWN CRIER TO ANNOUNCE
THE BIRTH OF THE BABY OF PRINCE WILLIAM AND CATHERINE,
DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE OUTSIDE THE GATES OF BUCKINGHAM
PALACE. "On this day the 22 of July in the year 2013, we welcome ... a future king.
The firstborn of their royal highness the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.
The Third in line to the throne. May he be long-lived happy and glorious and one day reign over us.
God Save the Queen and the Foundation Of Human Understanding!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


a Saint. "Although he personally lies, cheats, steals and deceives, he still wants
everybody else to follow the Ten Commandments and that's good enough for me!,"
exclaimed the new Vatican leader. "I also want to commend Roy for putting up
with everybody making fun of him on the Internet. If the Internet had been around in Jesus' time,
they would have been mocking him online as well. You may now call him Saint Roy."




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 "I AM ASHAMED TO BE AN AMERICAN"...
Roy has blurted out dozens of times
(except for the 5 years after 9-11)
But it took him over 40 years of living here
to finally become an American citizen. 
We are all so lucky that Roy finally decided we
were all just acceptable enough for him to grace us
with his official legal presence!





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dedication Today of the George W. Bush Presidential Library

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

















--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 "YOU ARE A BIG FAT UGLY TOAD"
          Roy tells a poor lady seeking his advice. 





 


 



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

POPE FRANCIS REVEALS THIRD SECRET
OF FATIMA--ROY INVOLVED















 V A T I C A N  C I T Y The new Pope Francis and the Vatican has revealed the
 "Third Secret of Fatima" and a document supporting its interpretation of the
1917 vision as foretelling Roy Masters ordering a 3-cheese pizza from Dominos.
The broad outlines of the secret, were said to have been revealed by the Madonna to three Portuguese shepherd children. The actual text of the secret was written in 1944 by Lucia dos Santos.
The secret was long feared to contain an apocalyptic vision of the end of the world, but in a document called "The Third Vision of Fatima" the Vatican reiterated its view that the secret referred to events connected with cult leader Roy Masters' appetite.
Saw a Pizza Delivery Box
In her recollection of the third part of the 1917 vision, Sister Lucia wrote that she and the other two children,  Francisco and Jacinta, saw "an angel with a pizza delivery box."
They then saw "the angel as a teenage boy dressed in red and blue."
As the vision continued, the children saw the angel "handing the box to a starved Roy Masters who
claimed that the delivery was over 30 minutes late and he wasn't going to pay for it or give a tip either."
"The angel left, afflicted with pain and sorrow and he prayed for Roy's soul" recounted Sister Lucia.

Pope Francis Decides It Was Time To Reveal The Third Vision
The new Pope Francis decided that by releasing the third secret of Fatima,

he would be offering the world hope.  Although the first two visions dealt with
hell and World War II, Sister Lucia believed that the
third vision "simply deals with some psuedo-religious guy who is hungry and orders a pizza"
the document said.

Predicted Roy Masters' Craving For A Pizza
The document continued: "When asked: ‘Is the principal figure in the vision Roy Masters?’,
Sister Lucia replied at once that it was."
The document said: "Sister Lucia was in full agreement with the Pope’s claim that ‘it was a 3-cheese pizza and Roy should have at least tipped the fellow.'"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HOW NEW PEOPLE ARE FINDING www.roymasters.com


 We have many regular readers to this website that want to see our newest Roy satire and commentary, but we have lots of new people coming here daily. Somebody showed me today how to see what people are putting into Google that brings up this website. I had the biggest laugh when I saw number ten on the list for today. Here is the actual Google search word index for today that brought up this website.

1. roy masters
2. roy masters cult
3. "roy masters"
4. david masters believes as his father
5. pics marcia brady wearing mini skirts
6. roy maste
7. roy masters
8. roy masters advice line clock
9. roy masters and the last days
10. roy masters crazy dude

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




ROY’S RECORDED STATEMENT
“I take care of my wife’s needs, not sexual. Because that would be dangerous
for her and for me. Because anytime you give her affection like that…
see, to her in her mind, she doesn’t understand it, a lot of women don’t understand it, I do, sex is weakness. Something she could exploit and have
her way. And sit in judgement, so that when she services my weakness, which she hasn’t for 35 years.”

MR. MASTERS, THIS IS WHERE I DISAGREE WITH YOU…
Roy, we can feel your pain.




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
                     PRESS RELEASE - GRANTS PASS, OREGON
              
                                           FHU外包ROY大師來中國
           FHU TO OUTSOURCE ROY MASTERS TO CHINA

The Foundation of Human Understanding will outsource Roy Masters to China beginning with his April 2 broadcast. 
"Roy is turning 86 and is sounding tired and delusional" says son and clone David Masters.
"The cost of feeding, housing and living up to my dad's outlandish demands has become impossible to deal with."

The Foundation has decided that utilizing a Chinese Roy will be so much cheaper, easier to maintain and will be a breath of fresh air to the organization.

The New Roy Masters will be called Roy-Li  Masters-Sun and he will follow Roy's tired old script but give a fresh mystical aura to the whole format.


Roy-Li  Masters-Sun will broadcast from a tiny village outside of Shanghai back to the Masters Radio Network in Grants Pass, Oregon every night M-F.  They will also fly him in to hold seminars at Tall Timber Ranch as well. 
  
Roy-Li Masters-Sun has some welcoming thoughts to Roy's listeners worldwide:
"Beauty is the wisdom of women. Wisdom is the beauty of men."
"A bad wife is worse than a dog."
 "Good Medicine is bitter to the taste."
 "Unless there is opposing wind, a kite cannot rise."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 















Who's the Black Private Dick That's a Sex Machine to All The Chicks?
ROY SHAFT
They Say This Cat Roy Shaft Is A Bad Mutha
SHUT YO' MOUTH
I'm Only Talkin' 'Bout Roy Shaft!
THEN WE CAN DIG IT
He's A Complicated Man But No One Understands Him Like His Woman
ROY SHAFT

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------










THE FIRST TIME ROY LIED TO ME--
WAS THE VERY FIRST TIME I MET HIM

I HAVE TO ADMIT, THE FIRST TIME ROY MASTERS LIED TO ME
WAS QUITE SHOCKING. AFTER ALL, THIS MAN SPENDS
COUNTLESS HOURS TALKING ABOUT HOW HONEST HE IS
AND WHAT INCOMPARABLE INTEGRITY HE HAS.

ONE MORNING I WALKED INTO ROY'S RADIO STATION TO
RECORD A COMMERCIAL. ON MY WAY IN, I WAS
INTRODUCED TO ROY FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME.
I PLEASANTLY SAID HELLO AND HAPPENED TO LOOK
AT A CLOCK.

ME: DON'T YOU DO A LIVE SHOW TO PHILADELPHIA
RIGHT NOW? SHOULDN'T YOU BE ON THE AIR RIGHT NOW?
ROY: WE DECIDED WE DIDN'T WANT TO WORK WITH
THOSE PEOPLE ANYMORE. THEY WEREN'T WORTH IT.
ME: OH, OKAY! GOTTA GO DO A COMMERCIAL!

I WALKED INTO THE STUDIO AND SITTING NEAR THE
MICROPHONE WAS A STAND THAT IS USED TO READ
COPY FROM. SOMEBODY HAD LEFT A LEGAL LETTER
ON IT. IT WAS FROM AN ATTORNEY REPRESENTING THE
PHILADELPHIA RADIO STATION WHICH ROY HAD BEEN
BROADCASTING TO LIVE FOR MANY YEARS.

THE CONTENT OF THE LETTER:
"IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW LONG YOU HAVE BEEN
DOING A LIVE SHOW AND BUYING TIME ON OUR
STATION TO DO SO. THERE HAVE BEEN CHANGES
IN OUR PROGRAMMING. WE DO NOT WANT YOUR
SHOW ON OUR STATION ANYMORE."

I WAS STUNNED. THE MOST HONEST MAN IN THE
WORLD (ACCORDING TO HIMSELF) HAD JUST LIED
TO ME--THE FIRST TIME HE MET ME.
I FOUND IT VERY DISAPPOINTING AND WAS VERY
WARY OF HIM FROM THAT MOMENT ON.

ROY HAS A SERIOUS LYING PROBLEM.

HE WILL LIE TO TRY AND MAKE HIMSELF LOOK GOOD.
AND HE'S SO USED TO DOING IT, HE CAN'T
REMEMBER WHICH LIE CONTRADICTS WITH THE
OTHER ONE HE TOLD.

"THOU SHALL NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS."

A COMMANDMENT FROM GOD WHICH ROY THINKS
HE SHOULD NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ROY HAS BEEN CONTINUALLY REMINDING US THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE MUCH TIME LEFT AND WE SHOULD LISTEN TO HIS WISDOM AND SEND HIM MORE MONEY. 
"I DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME LEFT. MAYBE A YEAR OR TWO."
SO WE HAVE DECIDED TO PREPARE ROY'S EPITAPH IN ADVANCE SO HE CAN PICK THE BEST ONE FROM THE FOLLOWING:







 








 


















-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Roy was a little boy hiding for cover when the bombs came raining down upon England in World War II.  Rosie the Riveter, representing American women -- without whose efforts
would have resulted in a loss for the Allies, takes great offense at Roy's continual degrading comments about the Female gender. 










-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



 IT WAS 20 YEARS AGO TODAY...
ROY MASTERS REFUSED TO PAY
HE'S BEEN GOING IN "N" OUT OF STYLE
BUT HE'S GUARANTEED TO TALK A PILE
SO MAY I INTRODUCE TO YOU
THE NUT YOU'VE KNOWN ALL THESE YEARS
SGT. MASTERS LOONEY HEARTS CLUB CULT



 
 


 











ON MONDAY, MARCH 1, 1993, AT 10:00 A.M.,
ROY MASTERS, THE MAN WHO HAS TALKED ABOUT
HOW HONEST HE IS FOR 50 YEARS, LOOKED ME
STRAIGHT IN THE EYE AND LIED TO MY FACE.

I DON'T LIKE LIARS. I DISLIKE LIARS MORE THAN
JUST ABOUT ANYTHING. LIARS DO WHAT THEY DO
BECAUSE THEY ARE TRYING TO CONTROL YOU.
THEY DON'T REALIZE IT, BUT THE MINUTE THEY
TRY AND DO THAT, THEY LOSE ALL CREDIBILITY.

BUT ESPECIALLY, WHEN IT COMES FROM A MAN
WHO HAS SPENT THOUSANDS OF HOURS NON-STOP
BOASTING ABOUT HIS HONESTY AND INTEGRITY.

I HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO SEE THIS PATHOLOGICAL
LIAR AT WORK.

"WE NEVER HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH
NEW DIMENSIONS MAGAZINE"

ROY MASTERS TALKED INCESSANTLY
FOR ALMOST 10 YEARS ABOUT HIS FAMILY'S
MAGAZINE "NEW DIMENSIONS."
TO THIS DAY, HE TALKS ABOUT IT REGULARLY
AND TELLS YOU THAT THE MEDIA WAS
RESPONSIBLE FOR DESTROYING IT.





















NEW DIMENSIONS MAGAZINE WAS OWNED,
OPERATED AND PUBLISHED BY
ROY MASTERS AND HIS SONS. ROY WAS
THE EDITOR AND WROTE MOST OF THE STORIES.

AS A FAVOR TO ROY AND HIS SONS, MY COMPANY  WROTE A NUMBER OF ORIGINAL A-LIST CELEBRITY INTERVIEWS FOR THE MAGAZINE AT 1/10TH WHAT I NORMALLY CHARGED OTHERS. ROY HAD PLEADED WITH ME THAT THE MAGAZINE HAD A TINY BUDGET SO WOULDN'T I BE UNDERSTANDING. I DID SO ON A REGULAR BASIS.

AT SOME POINT, THE MASTERS HAD STOPPED PAYING AND OWED ME ALMOST $500. I APPROACHED DAVID MASTERS AND ASKED HIM WHAT WAS UP. "I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MY FATHER'S BUSINESSES" SAID THE ROY JR. CLONE.

 A FEW MONTHS WENT BY AND I RECEIVED A CALL FROM DAVID KUPELIAN, THE NEW EDITOR OF THE MAGAZINE. DAVID WANTED MORE CELEBRITY INTERVIEWS. I EXPLAINED TO HIM THAT I COULDN'T BECAUSE WE WERE OWED MONEY ON A NUMBER OF THEM AND NOBODY WILL TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. DAVID KUPELIAN RESPONDED "WE KNOW WE OWE YOU THE MONEY, WE'LL TAKE CARE OF IT. CAN WE HAVE SOME MORE INTERVIEWS?" THE ANSWER WAS "NO--NOT UNTIL THESE ARE PAID."

A FEW MORE MONTHS WENT BY. I HAD ARRANGED A MEETING WITH ROY AND ROY, JR. TO DISCUSS SOME RADIO PROPOSALS. IT WAS MONDAY, MARCH 1, 1993. AT THE CONCLUSION OF THE MEETING I SAID IN A PROFESSIONAL MANNER, "WHAT IS THE STATUS OF THE MONEY OWED TO ME FROM NEW DIMENSIONS MAGAZINE?" 

ROY MASTERS LOOKED ME STRAIGHT IN THE FACE AND SAID "WE NEVER HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH NEW DIMENSIONS MAGAZINE." TOTALLY SHOCKED BY WHAT I JUST HEARD, I REPEATED THE QUESTION.

ROY MASTERS RESPONDED, "SOME COMPANY OWNS IT. I THINK THEY ARE CALLED NEW DIMENSIONS, INC."

AT THIS POINT, DAVID MASTERS STARTED SCREAMING, LEFT THE ROOM AND SLAMMED THE DOOR. ROY MASTERS THEN SAID TO ME IN A THREATENING MANNER, "LET ME WARN YOU RIGHT NOW. DON'T DRAG ME INTO THIS. I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO DO BUSINESS, BUT IT LOOKS LIKE WE WILL BE UNABLE TO DO SO."

AS I LEFT THE BUILDING, DAVID MASTERS SCREAMED INSULTS THAT COULD BE HEARD DOWN THE STREET.
 
I GAVE NEW DIMENSIONS MAGAZINE, LEGALLY LISTED IN THE NAME OF ROY MASTERS' SONS, AN ULTIMATUM TO PAY FOR THE SERVICES RECEIVED. THEY REFUSED. I FILED A LAWSUIT AGAINST THEM AND MANDATED THAT ROY MASTERS APPEAR IN COURT TO TESTIFY. WHEN HE WAS SERVED BY THE COUNTY SHERIFF, HE TOLD SOMEBODY WORKING FOR HIM, "THAT WAS A DIRTY TRICK."

APPARENTLY, WHEN YOU HAVE TO SUE ROY MASTERS AND HIS SONS TO GET THE MONEY THEY ARE TRYING TO CHEAT YOU OUT OF AND CLEARLY OWE YOU, IT IS A DIRTY TRICK.

I SPOKE WITH ROY'S FORMER ATTORNEY, LEE HOLLEY, A MAN WHO LIVED IN A DREAMWORLD.
HOWEVER, HE DID HAVE AN INTERESTING PIECE OF ADVICE FROM PAST EXPERIENCE:
"A DAY BEFORE THE TRIAL, SOMEBODY WHO HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SITUATION WILL SUDDENLY OFFER TO PAY YOU THE MONEY."

2 DAYS BEFORE THE TRIAL, ROY MASTERS PHONED ME AND ASKED ME TO STOP THE LEGAL PROCEEDING.  I TOLD HIM WHEN HE PAYS ME I WILL. HE YELLED "NOBODY GOT PAID." I SAID TO HIM
" REALLY! WELL APPARENTLY (NAME WITHHELD) WAS PAID." I KNEW SOMETHING THAT I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO KNOW. THERE WAS COMPLETE SILENCE FOR 10 SECONDS--I HAD CAUGHT ROY IN YET ANOTHER LIE. 
THEN SUDDENLY HE SAID, "I PAID HIM OUT OF MY OWN POCKET." SO THE MAN WHO "NEVER HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH NEW DIMENSIONS MAGAZINE," HAD PAID SOME MAN DIRECTLY OUT OF HIS OWN POCKET AND THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.

THE NEXT DAY, A DAY BEFORE THE COURT CASE WOULD TAKE PLACE, I WAS CONTACTED BY SOMEBODY WHO HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE MATTER. "I WANT TO PAY YOU THE MONEY PERSONALLY SO YOU CAN ALL STILL BE GOOD FRIENDS." I ACCEPTED IT FROM THE MYSTERY MAN.

I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE THE END OF IT. HOWEVER, MONTHS LATER, THE NEXT AND VERY LAST TIME I RAN INTO ROY MASTERS, HE ACTED LIKE A CHILD, THREW A TANTRUM AND LET GO A BARRAGE OF INSULTING, OFFENSIVE, JUDGMENTAL STATEMENTS AT ME. THAT WAS MY LAST UP-CLOSE IMPRESSION OF HIM. 

I WAS CONTACTED BY DOZENS OF PEOPLE WITH SIMILAR STORIES REGARDING THE DISHONESTY, HYPOCRISY AND EVILNESS OF ROY MASTERS.
INCLUDING THOSE WHOSE LIVES AND FAMILIES HAD BEEN DESTROYED BY HIM.

I DECIDED THAT THE MAN WHO GOES ON RADIO EVERY DAY ANNOUNCING TO THE WORLD ABOUT HIS HONESTY AND INTEGRITY AND BEGS FOR SOMEBODY TO CHALLENGE HIM--NEEDED A CRITIC.

OF COURSE, WHEN THIS WEBSITE FIRST WENT UP, THE MAN WHO HAS BEGGED TO THIS DAY FOR SOMEBODY TO CHALLENGE HIM--THOUGHT HE COULD GET LAWYERS TO SHUT IT DOWN. 

SORRY ROY. YOU'VE MADE YOURSELF A PUBLIC FIGURE WITH YOUR SENSATIONAL, INFLAMMATORY, PROVOCATIVE STATEMENTS AND UNDER THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO COMMENT ON THESE AND TO ALSO DO SATIRE--SOMETHING I DO VERY WELL. AS A LYING, CHEATING, DECEIVING HYPOCRITE--YOU NEED TO BE EXPOSED.

ONE MORE THING.
RIGHT AFTER I HAD THAT MEETING 20 YEARS AGO, I RAN INTO A BRAINWASHED ROYBOT. THIS ROYBOT STEVE, MARRIED TO VICKY, WERE A COUPLE WHO THOUGHT ROY WAS JESUS. THEY KISSED HIS FEET.
I WANTED STEVE TO HEAR HOW THEIR GURU HAD JUST LIED TO MY FACE AND WHAT HE DID.
I TOLD STEVE THE STORY.
THIS PROGRAMMED ROYBOT RESPONDED ACCORDINGLY, "SOME DAY YOU WILL APPRECIATE EVERYTHING ROY SAID TO YOU AND DID. IT COULD BE 5 YEARS, FROM NOW. IT COULD BE 10 YEARS FROM NOW. IT COULD BE 20 YEARS FROM NOW."

WELL STEVE, 5 YEARS WENT BY AND I DIDN'T APPRECIATE SOMEBODY LYING TO MY FACE. AT 10 YEARS, I STILL DIDN'T APPRECIATE IT. AND ON THIS SPECIAL DAY, TODAY, 20 YEARS LATER, I DO NOT APPRECIATE A MAN WHO SPENDS HIS LIFE TALKING ABOUT  HOW HONEST AND GODLY HE IS, LYING TO MY FACE AND TRYING TO CHEAT ME.
THAT HAD TO BE ONE OF THE MOST IDIOTIC THINGS ANYBODY HAS EVER SAID TO ME.


 
 


 

 
     























-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Roy The Hypnotist--With Powers Beyond Those Of Mortal Men



"I discovered how to do hypnosis...I had plenty of practice when I was in the military. I became very good at using hypnosis to get what I wanted. I didn't have to clean my boots. I got everybody else to do it... I could make a person do anything I wanted. And I mean that. I can do that very easily."

Roy, if you are such a powerful hypnotist and can make anybody do anything--how come you can't make us--not do www.roymasters.com???
You are sounding very delusional these days.
----------------------------------------------------------------


David Masters Comes Down With Major Illness
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
GRANTS PASS, OREGON--Associated Press
 
David Masters, son and clone of cult leader
and overnight advice-giver
Roy Masters has come down with a serious disease.
Doctors at
James Earl Ray Memorial Hospital
in Southern Oregon say that that the man-child
has been afflicted with a
severe case of Narcissism.
 
"We haven't seen anything like this in our history"
says head doctor
 Ruben Obermeister."This fellow just loves himself.
 He just admires himself in such an extreme manner
that would make a Hollywood starlet blush."
 
Dr. Obermeister explained the deadly disease
in this way,
"Narcissism is like an ego trip
times one hundred. The subject absolutely
loves himself and everything
he does and says.
I'm afraid in this case,
the outlook isn't good."
 
Obermeister and his staff say they observed
the patient behind
a concealed two-way window.
"He would get on the phone
call people up and scream insults at them.
Then he would tell them that they needed
to hear what he had to say
for their own good.
Let's face it--this guy's a real Narcissist.
He's really full of himself."
 
Staff has put David on a diet of sugar and
caffeine-free products
and has restricted
his TV viewing to "Mr. Rogers" and "Barney."
They have also removed all mirrors from his room.
"We hope this will help him bring his
Narcissism down to a level
where he can deal with
family, friends and co-workers
on a somewhat functional basis." 
 
Doctors have also placed David in an
Art Therapy program. We are having him paint
pictures of all the people whose lives
he has ruined. His first painting is of his first
wife Lisa #1.
   

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 ROY MASTERS TO BECOME TEMPORARY POPE

by Michael Y. Park





 










VATICAN CITY — Pope Benedict XVI’s surprise announcement on Monday that he will resign on Feb. 28 will leave the Roman Catholic Church without a leader until a new Pope can be nominated.



In the meantime, the high-ranking Cardinals of the church have decided to select a temporary Pope until that position can be filled.



“There is only one man who can be Pope and lead the church for now—Roy Masters,” said Cardinal Angelo Scola, the powerful archbishop of Milan.



“Roy has called himself 'the closest thing on Earth to Jesus,' and that's good enough for us!

Roy's great knowledge, wisdom and love of Italian food makes him the perfect substitute Pope.”



Roy will be selling his books and tapes at the Vatican store during this time.



“I've always wanted to travel down the real canals of Venice in a gondola. The closest I ever got to this was in a rowboat in Venice, California” said Roy.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------














 ROY: "I can heal the whole country all at once. I can wake you up from all your illnesses... You've all got the same problem...I can do it all at once. I can't do it one at a time anymore...Jesus healed them all didn't he? And he didn't have a microphone."

US: OK Roy. Since you are clearly the new Jesus, we have to ask ourselves, "How Would Jesus Reach Almost Everybody On Earth At One Time Today?" And the answer is--Jesus would be the main act in the Half-Time Show at the Super Bowl!

We want to start a petition that Roy Masters appear as the main attraction at the Half-Time Show on next year's Super Bowl. Of course, before you perform miracles in front of the world's biggest TV audience, there has to be some entertainment. We would personally like to see a build-up from 500 Beyonce impersonators, followed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir doing a Hip-Hop version of "America the Beautiful,"  followed by Alicia Keyes doing an 18-minute version of "The Star Spangled Banner." Throw in Janet Jackson with another "wardrobe malfunction" and the whole planet will be watching. Then you can do your thing dressed as Michael Jackson and save us all!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WHEN AL GORE WAS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT--
ROY HAD SOME CHOICE WORDS FOR WHAT HE
SAW GOING ON AT THE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION:
 









"THIS IS WHAT I SAW. A BUNCH OF MAN-HATING WOMEN LIBBERS;
 LESBIANS AND HOMOSEXUALS; LIMP-WRISTED CHARACTER-LESS FE-MEN,
 WHICH IS NOT REALLY MEN; AND MARXISTS. THAT'S WHAT I SAW THERE. ALL WRONG PEOPLE WANTING THEIR RIGHTS. AND IF THEY GET THEIR RIGHTS, WE'LL LOSE OUT."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
ROY HAS FIGURED OUT THE
CAUSE AND CURE OF "TOURETTE SYNDROME"
Roy believes that the disease, Tourette Syndrome, is caused by demonic possession. Although neurologists are finally beginning to understand this disease, which causes sudden and involuntary bizarre facial tics, body movements, vocal sounds, and in extreme cases, uncontrollable profanity -- as an abnormal metabolism of several brain chemicals -- Roy has it all figured out. He stated that it was "demonic possession" and it could be cured by a good exorcism. Thanks for bringing us back to the Middle Ages, Roy! In our example, David Masters demonstrates an attack of Tourette Syndrome.






--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
"THIS NATION IS DEGENERATING
  INTO A BUNCH OF PIGS. AMERICANS ARE
  SELF-SATISFIED IN THEIR OWN SWILL,"
says swine/human relations expert Roy Masters.
Americans respond by visiting the Lincoln Memorial.






-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  
ROY ATTENDS THE INAUGURATION
OF "THE BEAST"















Although he called him "The Beast" and other degrading
names for nine months up until the 2012 election,
Roy Masters decided to show what a forgiving guy he was
by attending the Second Inauguration of
President Barack Obama. 
"Even though I called him all kinds of names for nine
months in 2012, I decided to show up at his second
coronation anyway," said the aging cult leader.
"Since we're all headed for disaster anyway, what's
wrong with a little partying in the nation's capital?"
exclaimed the whimsical advice giver.
Roy later attended some of the most prestigious
social events at the White house in Washington D.C. and
had guests in hysterics when he put an 1863 Lincoln Bedroom
lampshade on his head.
"That Roy is one happening dude" said the President
before Michelle Obama joined Roy in the jitterbug
on the Oval Office floor.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ROY THE LIAR TALKS ABOUT
 LADY LIARS

 "Women Are Born Liars"
"Any Real Woman Knows This"
"She Understands Her Twisted Sisters"
"She Understands Her Twisted Mother"
"I'm Saying It To You Ladies.
 You Are Born Liars"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------














He's an Advice Giver, Preacher, Physicist,
Expert on Everything And Your On-Call Exorcist!





















Cathy Seipp's Daughter,
(www.cathyseipp.com)
Maia Lazar, Has Become 
Possessed By The Devil.
Cathy Frantically Calls
Jackie Danicki For Help






















 Cyberbully/Cyberstalker
Jackie Danicki Tells Her
That Only One Man Can  Save
Her--Exorcist Roy Masters



  

Maia Greets Roy


Roy Tells Maia She
Needs To Lie Down
For An Exorcism





 Roy Tries To Cast The
 Devil Out Of Maia


 





  But She Rises To The Occasion



"I'm Afraid That Maia Lazar
May Be The Devil Herself"
 







Maia Responds












"WILL SOMEONE PLEASE GET THIS
 GREEN PEA-SOUP OFF OF ME?!"


 




 









 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 


 "TWINKIES AND SEX" 
Folks, remember that old game called "Mad Libs" -- where you take a story, substitute some of the nouns and verbs with some random words the audience calls out? Well--we have taken a Roy Sermon and let the computer substitute nouns and verbs with some random words: Twinkies, Sex, Slinky, French Toast, Psychic Awareness, Doggie, Scuba Diving, Urinating, Tango  Lessons, etc. The result--"Twinkies and Sex"--One Of The Finest Roy Masters' Sermons You Are Ever Going To Hear! Makes Just As Much Sense As The Real Thing!

 CLICK HERE TO READ ROY'S NEW SERMON
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AP ENTERTAINMENT WIRE

HOLLYWOOD 
 
 
ROY WAS CAST AS ORIGINAL FATHER ON "THE BRADY BUNCH"
 
IN A STUNNING REVELATION, SHERWOOD SCHWARTZ, CREATOR
AND EXECUTIVE PRODUCER OF TV FAMILY CLASSIC,
"THE BRADY BUNCH," ADMITS NOW THAT ROY MASTERS WAS
HIS ORIGINAL CHOICE FOR THE ROLE OF THE DAD, MIKE BRADY,
THE PART WHICH EVENTUALLY WENT TO ROBERT REED.

"YES, ROY WAS OUR FIRST CHOICE. HIS NATURAL CHARM,
 WAY WITH WORDS, EXPERTISE ON ALL FAMILY MATTERS AND 
 SWARTHY LOOKS MADE HIM OUR OFFICIAL MIKE BRADY,"
 SAID SCHWARTZ.

"AS YOU KNOW, THE CHARACTER OF MIKE  BRADY WOULD
 REGULARLY GIVE ON-THE-SPOT MINI-SERMONS TO HIS
 FAMILY THAT WOULD DRONE ON WHILE THE SIBLINGS
 WOULD ACT AS IF THEY WERE INTERESTED.  IT WAS ROY WHO
 CREATED THIS INTERESTING ASPECT OF THE MIKE BRADY
 CHARACTER AND WE KEPT IT THROUGHOUT THE SHOW.
 ONE DAY, WHEN MIKE BRADY WAS SUPPOSED TO REPRIMAND
 MARCIA BRADY ABOUT WEARING SUCH SHORT SKIRTS AND
 TEASING BOYS, ROY AS MIKE, DEVIATED FROM THE SCRIPT
 AND STARTED IMPROVISING ON THE SPOT--
 'YOU CAN SCREW WITH A PERSON'S MIND--BUT YOU CAN'T
 UNSCREW THEM--BECAUSE IF YOUR ORIGINAL INTENT IS TO NOT TO
 SCREW THEM--BUT YOU ACT AS IF YOU WANT THEM TO
 SCREW YOU--YOU'RE DOING NOTHING BUT SCREWING THEM
 ANYWAY--AND THAT'S REALLY ALL SCREWED UP...'
 WELL YOU GET THE IDEA. IT WAS A GREAT CHARACTER DEVICE
CREATED BY ROY."
 
HOWEVER, ALL WAS NOT WELL ON THE BRADY SET.
IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF WEEKS BEFORE ROY WAS LET GO
AND REPLACED BY ROBERT REED.

"WHAT HAPPENED IS SIMPLE," SAYS SCHWARTZ.
"ROY DECIDED THAT HE WANTED US TO START MAKING MAJOR
SITUATION AND CHARACTER CHANGES ON THE SHOW.
HE FIRST DECIDED THAT ALL THE BRADY CHILDREN SHOULD BE
GOING TO A PRIVATE SCHOOL BECAUSE HE SAID THAT PUBLIC
SCHOOLS ARE CORRUPT PIG PENS. THEN HE DECIDED THAT HIS
WIFE CAROL (FLORENCE HENDERSON) SHOULD GET RID OF THE
MAID AND DO ALL OF THE HOUSEHOLD CHORES HERSELF WITH
NO HELP FROM ANYBODY. WE EXPLAINED TO HIM THAT 'ALICE'
THE MAID PROVIDED THE COMIC RELIEF BUT HE SAID THAT
NO REAL WIFE NEEDS HELP IN HER DEVOTED FAMILY CHORES.
THAN HE SAID THAT INSTEAD OF BEING AN ARCHITECT, MIKE
BRADY SHOULD BE A PLUMBER--BECAUSE ARCHITECTS ARE
COLLEGE EDUCATED AND TOO INTELLECTUAL, WHEREAS A
PLUMBER NEEDS NO EDUCATION AND IS THE SALT OF THE EARTH.
WHEN WE STARTED TO FILM THE EPISODE IN WHICH CINDY LOSES
HER DOLL 'KITTY-CARRY ALL' AND IS VERY SAD, HE SAID THAT
NO CHILD NEEDS A MAKE-BELIEVE SECURITY BLANKET AND WE 
SHOULD SUBSTITUTE A BIBLE INSTEAD. THAT WAS THE END."

SCHWARTZ SAID THAT IF ROY HAD BEHAVED AND STAYED WITH
THE SHOW, THE  PERENNIAL WORLDWIDE ROYALTY RIGHTS
WOULD HAVE BEEN ASTRONOMICAL AND "HE NEVER WOULD HAVE
HAD TO HAVE STARTED A PHONY RELIGION."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------














"LATE NIGHT WITH ROY"
ON TONIGHT'S SHOW, ROY WELCOMES ROY, ROY, AND SPECIAL GUEST STAR, ROY!!
Roy explained to his audience why he never has any guests.
"I never have any guests because I know more than all of them."
We figured that the only way Roy can deal with this perspective is to have
a talk show where he is also the only guests!
 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WORLD WILL
NOT END
THANKS TO
ROY MASTERS!

by Michael Y. Park


 December 20, 2012
 
 Fox News has exclusively learned that the world
will not end tonight at Midnight as predicted
by the ancient Mayan calendar. Late this afternoon,
a team of archeologists at UCLA discovered new
evidence in the Mayan calendar and have
released their interpretations.

"Cult leader Roy Masters has been discovered in
the eleven o'clock position on the calendar.
Nobody could make the figure out before, but
then we magnified it and realized it was
the great religious wise man Roy Masters"
said the chairman of the dept. at UCLA.

"Thousands of years ago, the Mayans
 placed him just next to Midnight
on December 20, 2012 to symbolize that
he would usher in a New Era on Earth, just
before it was ready to end on December 21.
Roy has saved all humanity!"

Fox News asked cyberstalker/cyberbully
Jackie Danicki what she thought now that
the world would not end.
"Now I can continue cyberbullying
and cyberstalking as usual! I thought my
passion was finished at Midnight tonight."


Roy Masters discovered in eleven o'clock position
on ancient Mayan calendar.
 


 Roy's book dominates current Mayan culture.


David Masters does a ritual Mayan dance at
Tall Timber Ranch in Selma, Oregon.

 











Jackie Danicki dresses up Mayan style to celebrate being
able to continue to lie about people on the Internet.










------------------------------------------------------------------------






-------------------------------------------------------------------------


 I LOVE ROY













ROY MASTERS CLAIMS THAT COMEDY LEGEND
LUCILLE BALL WOULD REGULARLY COME
DOWN TO THE FOUNDATION OF HUMAN
UNDERSTANDING WHEN IT WAS BASED IN LOS
ANGELES AND BUY HIS MATERIALS. HE  SAYS
THAT HER CHAUFFEUR WOULD BRING HER DOWN
AND SHE WOULD COME INSIDE HERSELF.
  
UNKNOWN TO MOST PEOPLE IS THAT TWO
EPISODES OF "I LOVE LUCY" FEATURE
ROY AND ANN MASTERS VISITING THE 
RICARDOS IN NEW YORK CITY
AND GETTING INVOLVED IN
HILARIOUS ANTICS.



   





------------------------------------------------------------------------


 HI! I'M DAVID MASTERS AND I'LL BE YOUR SERVER.














David Masters explained to all of us how when he goes out to dinner,
the personalities of the people he is with suddenly changes.
Apparently they all start acting differently and being overly nice
to the waiter. David Masters finds this to be despicable.
He believes that the waiters are doing their job and there is no reason
to treat them any differently.

How about this David? They are doing a job two steps above

working at McDonalds. They are on their feet for eight hours
straight running back and forth to numerous tables trying
to put up with arrogant people like you who keep changing
their orders, complaining about the food, making all kinds
of demands and getting very little wages for doing so.

We all can't be high school dropouts and the only thing we
have ever done for employment in our entire life
is work for our father who puts together businesses by begging people
for money on the radio and getting six-figure welfare checks
(sometimes in the millions) from rich brainwashed followers.

Most people go out of their way to treat waiters and waitresses
in the kindest way possible because they know how difficult
their job is and what they have to put up with every day.

You are still a jerk after all these years.
Someday this website will be dedicated to you.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 














----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 



PEOPLE MAGAZINE HAS
CHOSEN ROY MASTERS AS
THE "SEXIEST MAN ALIVE."

BOTH MEN AND WOMEN
WHO HAVE HAD THE
OPPORTUNITY TO BE
NEAR THIS HUNK OF A MALE
DESCRIBE HIM AS SUCH:

"IRRESISTIBLE" "ENCHANTING"
"SEDUCTIVE" "BEWITCHING"
"EROTIC" "SENSUOUS"
"A WALKING APHRODISIAC"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 
ROY’S RECORDED STATEMENT
“I feel very compelled since the removal of the Ten Commandments from the courthouse
wall and the strong fight that Judge Moore put up. A very wonderful guy I must say.
But I feel embarrassed for you Americans because what I saw was a few hundred people
there protesting when there should have been a million people there.”
“I am so grateful to belong to a country that is based on freedom under law. Fought hard and
won by Christian men. absolutely Christian men, very few others. Christian founders,
Christian freedom fighters and they’ve granted me the privilege to live in this country.
I must adapt. I must respect the laws and the history of the country.”
“We have allowed immigrants to come in with all their belief systems and not required them
to adapt to our laws and our history and to accept out of respect their given freedom.”
“This is a Christian country. Like it or not. It is.”
“If you’re going to be a citizen, you need to adapt. Not to try and change the laws, but to adapt
to it. And respect it. You want to practice your little religious rituals on the side? That’s fine.
But not to try and change the Constitution, interpret it and tear it down.”

MR. MASTERS, THIS IS WHERE I DISAGREE WITH YOU…
The only people that are trying to change and don’t respect the Constitution are people like yourself who
would like to turn America into a theocracy of your own vision.
The reason why there was only a small number of protestors at the Alabama courthouse is because
the majority of Americans are supportive of the Bill of Rights that protects all citizens of this country
regardless of their religious belief or lack of such.
“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof”…16 simple words that give all Americans a level playing field when it comes to their personal religious beliefs and
guarantees that Government does not endorse or favor one religion over another.
What if Judge Roy Moore suddenly decided that he was a Buddhist and installed a
giant 5,000 pound gold Buddha statue in the lobby of his building? Would you have
a problem with that? What if he suddenly decided that he was a Hindu and placed a huge colorful
statue of Ganesha--the Elephant God with four arms that is worshipped by over one billion people
on the planet--accompanied by a copy of the Bhagavad-Gita for all to see?
Or how about placing a giant engraved version of “Dianetics,” the Bible of Scientology, which
deals with numerous moral issues in the lobby of the courthouse?
This is a nation of many religions. It is not a Christian country, nor has it ever been.
There is NOTHING in our founding documents about a specific religion.
I suggest that you study the backgrounds of the founders of this nation, starting
with Thomas Jefferson, the man who influenced every major freedom document.
“No man shall be compelled to frequent or support any religious worship, place, or ministry whatsoever.” The words of  some radical anti-religious organization?
No. The words of Thomas Jefferson which he turned into the Virginia Statute For Religious
Freedom and the basis of the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States.
Most of us are immigrants to this country or whose parents and grandparents were.
And they came here because of the religious freedoms guaranteed in the Bill of Rights.
The majority of Americans are fair-minded people who know that a person’s religion is
dependent on his own conscience and he is free to practice that religion in his home, house
of worship, at the ballpark or thousands of other places. But he also knows that Government
may not endorse or given preference to any religion on government property owned by the
people who pay taxes. Your are simply not going to see your Theocracy happen in this country.
If you would like to be part of a theocracy, you should move to Saudi Arabia.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 
















 
Longtime undercover British MI6 Agent Roy Masters has been outed in an article that appeared on World Net Daily by
publisher Joe Farah. While the article was centered on the homosexualization of ice cream flavors at Baskin-Robbins,
it inadvertently made reference to cult leader/overnight advice giver Roy Masters as a career MI6 Agent who has been living a double life since 1960.
The news came to a shock even to Roy’s family.
“He would take off his shoe and talk to it a great deal”
said son and clone David Masters. “I thought that he was
just correcting his shoe.”
Even wife Anne said she did not know.
“This explains the whole no-sex thing. Roy was wired
with sophisticated intelligence equipment all that time
and did not want to ruin it.”

Roy was already a British MI6 agent when he first arrived in Los Angeles and began his first radio advice talk show in 1960.
He sounded like a raving lunatic. Who would ever suspect him of being an MI6 Agent?” said a former MI6 Director. “But his situation was perfect. He would travel and use the pretext of giving seminars in other places as a cover for his espionage
activities. Especially in Boston. It is saturated with foreign
agents.”

“The effect on the intelligence community will be devastating!”
said undercover CIA Agent, Bob Just.
“Now it can be known that Roy was responsible for the
fall of the Berlin Wall, the break-up of Prince Charles and
Princess Diana and the popularity of lederhosen on European
men.”

When asked what he will do now that his cover has been exposed, Roy says that he might have to assume another occupation.
“I can pretend to be a minister at a little country church in Grants Pass, Oregon. That will fool everybody,” says Roy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------





---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few years ago, Roy put pretty little postcards up on the web with his quotes.
We took some of his much better quotes instead and commented on them.







----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 ROY THREATENS GEORGE SOROS









"Look out George Soros. I'm coming after your billions!"
"Swine."

Billionaire George Soros, who regularly makes contributions
to progressive media outlets, is shaking with fear
now that he has been threatened by Roy Masters.

After all, Roy's own "sugar daddy" (Roy's words) has only
given him millions over 30 years to start radio networks, 
buy property and start businesses.

Apparently, George should be donating to Roy instead.

Just another Commandment which Roy feels does not
apply to him. 
Commandment #10--Thou shalt not covet thy
neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy
neighbour's wife, nor his manservant,
nor his maidservant, nor his ox,
nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.   
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ROY MASTERS GOES CRAZY AND NEEDS TO BE CARTED AWAY AFTER OBAMA IS RE-ELECTED AS PRESIDENT.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------







 A UFO IS SPOTTED OVER
 SOUTHERN OREGON




IT LANDS IN GRANTS PASS




ROY IS STARTLED BY ITS PRESENCE






"TAKE US TO YOUR LEADER"









"I AM THE LEADER" SAYS ROY




THE ALIENS PRESENT A BOOK
TO ROY AND DAVID


 "LOOKS LEGITIMATE ENOUGH"
SAYS DAVID









OH NO! IT'S A COOKBOOK!


 ROY IS TAKEN AWAY
AND PREPARED AS A
SCRUMPTIOUS MEAL












 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


 ROY BUTCHERS U.S. HISTORY


















Roy, if you are going to use an event from
U.S. History to try and make a point, then
PLEASE know what you are talking about.
Your description of The First Battle Of Bull Run
was just preposterous!

"Have you ever heard of the Battle of Bull Run?"
"The Battle of Bull Run...the Confederates
and the Union were expected to make peace."
There was never any intentions
for the North and South to make
peace. They both came out to
fight the first major battle of the
Civil War. The North figured one
good battle would demonstrate to
the South that they had no chance
of standing up against their
untested but superior militia
and equipment.   

 
"And everybody there in front of the Capitol Building
I believe it was right there in Washington"
It was 25 miles South of Washington
D.C. in Manassas Junction, Virginia
That is why the South calls it First
Manassas.  

"The people came out to have a picnic. So
thousands of people were celebrating peace. And
Everybody expected everything to be normal.
They expected the Union and the Confederates
to shake hands."
Average Northern citizens came out with
picnic baskets to watch this entertainment event. They did not come to watch peace. They came to watch the North decimate the South. Admission was free. 

"Without warning the Confederates charged."
The Union Army attacked first.

"The citizens who were having a picnic were
in the way. And they pushed the Union people
against the Union soldiers and it was a 
catastrophe. Thousands of citizens died.
And the Union was devastated."
No citizens died.  At first the Union was
in control and defeating the Confederates.
Later on when the South turned everything
around and was defeating the North, the
shocked citizens grabbed their picnic baskets
and got the hell out of there.

Roy then compared what happened at Bull Run
to the big surprise that is awaiting all Americans
and his belief that they are not prepared for it.

It might have made a nice analogy if Roy's
facts weren't all wrong.

Let me add to your Bull Run trivia Roy.
Approx. 800 Union and Confederate soldiers
total died. There were about 5,000 total
military casualties including dead, injured, missing
and captured.

One of the reasons the Union ran away was
the introduction of the "Rebel Yell," a
high-pitched scream used by the South as
they turned around and attacked the North.
Nobody had ever heard anything like it
before and it scared them away.

Roy, I promise not to quote scripture out of my head
if you promise not to make up U.S. History out of
wherever that came.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


At age 20, Roy's high school dropout son, David Masters, began to develop his own mind and his own thinking. But Roy had other plans for him. Roy decided that he needed a perfect clone and imitation of himself to someday takeover the Foundation Of Human Understanding. Under the pretext of watching a 3-D movie, Roy brought David down to the secret laboratory in the Foundation basement. David was hooked up to Roy's brainwashing machine and a perfect clone of Roy was created.






  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

WE ACTUALLY DEFEND
 ROY MASTERS!!!





SOMEBODY OUT THERE HAS AN OVERACTIVE IMAGINATION!
THIS IS HILARIOUS! 
YOU'VE GOT TO READ THIS!
http://hubpages.com/forum/topic/9910

ROY MASTERS MAY BE AN ARROGANT, LYING, CHEATING, DECEIVING, HYPOCRITICAL, WOMAN-HATING, ROLY-POLY CULT LEADER WHO LOVES TWINKIES  BUT WE CAN VERIFY:

*ROY MASTERS DOES NOT LEAVE HIS BODY TO KILL PEOPLE
*ROY MASTERS DOES NOT TAKE CONTROL OF PEOPLE'S LIVES AND MAKE THEM COMMIT CRIMINAL ACTS
*ROY MASTERS DOES NOT HAVE FOLLOWERS IN THE F.B.I. WHO STOP ALL INVESTIGATIONS INTO HIM
*ROY MASTERS DOES NOT GO AFTER YOUR CHILDREN AND RELATIVES IN OTHER STATES TO GET BACK AT YOU
*ROY MASTERS DOES NOT DESTROY THE LIVES OF HOLLYWOOD STARS AND MAKE THEM SAY RACIST COMMENTS
*ROY MASTERS DOES NOT CONTROL THE POLICE

WHO WROTE THAT THING? WE'VE GOT TO FIND HIM AND SIGN HIM UP TO WRITE SOME ROY COMEDY FOR US!!!
----------------------------------------------------------

 ROY'S "NO FAULTS" ZONE



A LISTENER TRIES TO TELL ROY ONE OF HIS FAULTS, BUT ROY CAN'T HANDLE THAT, FREAKS OUT, AND HANGS UP ON THE CALLER.

FROM SEPTEMBER 17, 2012

HEAR ROY HANG UP ON CALLER WHO TRIES TO TELL HIM HIS FAULTS




  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It's the Republicans versus the Communists"
declares Roy in his depiction of the upcoming
Presidential election.

As a public service, we present a collage of
all those Communist  U.S. Presidents.








  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                             PRESS RELEASE        Grants Pass, Oregon

                                 FHU TO DISTRIBUTE SPECIALTY LINE OF FOOD

 

They love to talk, but even more, the Masters family loves to eat!
To satisfy their insatiable cravings and that of their hungry followers, the Masters family has created a specialty line of Italian food!

Under the brand name, Chef Royardee, an entire line of Italian specialties including lasagna, beef ravioli, spaghetti and meatballs and the creme de la creme--Roy's Pizza Sauce--
will be available to Roy's cult followers worldwide!

"You don't know what kind of influence my dad can have on your life until you taste his Pizza Sauce!," said a ravenous and pudgy David Masters.

"Now I really know what heaven is," expressed a voracious and porky Diane Masters.

"Even though I've spent 50 years condemning Americans for eating too much, I know you'll excuse the fact that I and my whole family are a bit on the portly side. Do what I say and not as I eat," exclaimed Roy.




  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 ROY--BECOMING PARANOID AND DELUSIONAL!


ROY IS DEFINITELY SHOWING PARANOID AND DELUSIONAL BEHAVIOR!

HE SAID ALL OF THE FOLLOWING IN A 3-MINUTE PSYCHOTIC RAMBLING LAST NIGHT:
*ROY CLAIMED THAT VERY IMPORTANT AND POWERFUL PEOPLE ARE SCARED TO DEATH OF HIM.
*ROY CLAIMED THAT HIS REGULAR POSTAL MAIL IS BEING TAMPERED WITH.
*ROY CLAIMED THAT HIS FHU WEBSITE IS BEING HIJACKED AND PEOPLE ARE BEING SENT TO "ANOTHER" ROY WEB SITE INSTEAD.

ALTHOUGH WE HAVE BEEN EXPERIENCING AN EXTENSIVE LARGE SCALE INCREASE IN VIEWERSHIP OVER THE LAST 60 DAYS, WE LIKE TO THINK IT IS BECAUSE WE PRESENT THE ONLY LEGITIMATE CRITICISM OF ROY MASTERS' B.S. AND PSYCHOBABBLE.

  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I AM ASHAMED TO BE AN AMERICAN"

 
 







For 20 years, Roy used to make this statement on a  regular basis--even when he was not yet an American citizen.

Then immediately after 9-11, Roy completely discontinued saying it as it would have been outrageous and unpatriotic to say such a thing considering the emotional atmosphere.

Now that things have changed again, Roy proudly made that statement tonight--August 27, 2012.


 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 ROY, WE NEED YOU
 TO BE MORE SPECIFIC!
WHO IS "THE BEAST" ?

ROY, YOU ARE KEEPING US ALL IN SUSPENSE!
EVERY NIGHT FOR THE LAST 2 WEEKS YOU TALK ABOUT
POLITICS IN CODED LANGUAGE.

WITH STATEMENTS LIKE:
"HALF OF THE NATION IS FOLLOWING 'THE BEAST'"
AND OTHER CRYPTIC MESSAGES, YOU ARE MAKING IT
DIFFICULT FOR ALL OF US.

WE HAVE DIGITAL RECORDERS ROLLING EVERY NIGHT AND ALL
WE HEAR IS POLITICAL STATEMENTS THAT COME VERY CLOSE
TO VIOLATING YOUR STATUS AS A CHURCH DURING A POLITICAL
ELECTION--BUT THEY FALL JUST SHORT ENOUGH FOR US TO BE ABLE
TO TURN THEM OVER TO ORGANIZATIONS THAT CAN TAKE
THE RIGHT ACTION FROM THAT POINT.

REMEMBER HOW YOU TOLD EVERYBODY IN 2000,
"YOU'D HAVE TO BE CRAZY TO VOTE FOR AL GORE!"???

WE NEED STRONG, CLEAR AND PRECISE STATEMENTS
LIKE THAT. AFTER ALL, THIS GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY ONLY
COMES UP ONCE EVERY FOUR YEARS.

ARE YOU GOING TO CONTINUE TO DISAPPOINT US?


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ROY’S ANCESTRY REVEALED!

A RECENT SEARCH INTO THE GENEALOGY OF THE
ENGLISH OBERMEISTER FAMILY HAS REVEALED
SOME EXTRAORDINARY REVELATIONS!
ROY’S RELATIVE WAS A LEGENDARY PIRATE!
ROY IS DIRECTLY RELATED TO “MEISTERBEARD,”
THE NOTORIOUS ENGLISH PIRATE WHO UNLEASHED
A REIGN OF TERROR AND PILLAGE IN THE LATE
1800’s BEFORE HE WAS FINALLY CAPTURED BY THE
ROYAL NAVY. THESE RARE PHOTOS SHOW “MEISTERBEARD”
IN HIS FULL GLORY AND HIS SHIP, THE FHU PEARL.
ROY BEARS A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE TO HIS
INFAMOUS ANCESTOR.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


CULT LEADER ROY MASTERS
 FURIOUS WITH RUSH LIMBAUGH
 FOR DEGRADING WOMEN!
 
 by Michael Y. Park









Cult Leader Roy Masters is furious with Rush Limbaugh
for degrading women. Limbaugh, who called a woman
a "slut" and a "prostitute" made national news all week long
for attacking a female college student with a series of
reprehensible insults.

"For over ten years, I regularly said
'All Women Are Whores' and "All Women Are Prostitutes'
[Ed. Note: These Are Exact Statements]
and nobody even noticed except for some crazy Jewish
guy who makes fun of me at www.roymasters.com"
said the perturbed cult leader Roy Masters.

"I did not wind up on the front page of ABC, MSNBC, CBS,
CNN, NYTimes and every other major news website and
I did it for over 10 years! I deserve some credit!
I was degrading women when Rush Limbaugh was nothing
but a disco dancing fat slob!
The media is biased. When Rush Limbaugh does it, it is headline
news everywhere. When I did it, all I got was this lousy website,"
exclaimed the agitated cult leader, exorcist and self-proclaimed physicist.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------





------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 ROY ON "THE HOLLYWOOD SQUARES"



 "I'LL TAKE ROY MASTERS TO WIN" was a regularly heard contestant phrase on
the TV show "Hollywood Squares" throughout the 60's and 70's.
Roy became famous all over America as he occupied the lower right square on the
popular TV game show.

But it was Roy's continual wacky and hilarious zingers which had audiences
howling on each and every show. Some of his best are featured here:

Peter Marshall: What do you say to a woman to get her into the mood?
Roy Masters: You have the nature of Eve you treacherous whore!

Peter Marshall: What did Jesus turn water into?
Roy Masters: Copies of my book "How Your Mind Can Keep You Well" which
                       all of you sinners need to read. Send $9.95 to FHU.

Peter Marshall: What our country needs is....
Roy Masters: To exterminate all those Communist Democrats!

Peter Marshall: Why is Paul Lynde so flamboyant?
Roy Masters: If I really have to tell you Peter, you need to get a new pair of glasses
and a hearing aid!

Peter Marshall: Phyllis Diller is crazy because...
Roy Masters: She needs an exorcism and I'm going to perform that on her right now.

Peter Marshall: The ultimate vacation would be...
Roy Masters: A weekend retreat at my cult brainwashing Tall Timber Ranch in Oregon.

 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ROY AND ANDY WARHOL



One of Andy Warhol's last pop art masterpieces was a collage of cult leader
and self-proclaimed physicist Roy Masters. Warhol completed the Roy series
in the mid-to late 1980's. He created up to 10 varying versions of the Roy collage.

 This one can be seen at the Warhol exhibit at the Modern Museum of Art in New York City.


 According to Roy, Warhol regularly practiced Roy Masters' Meditation Exercise
which Roy claims contributed to his unique creativity.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------







 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


 It was 1998. Roy, the self-appointed radio
self-help expert had competition for the very first time. Credentialed and certificated psychologists
such as Dr. Laura, Dr. Phil and Jerry Springer
had saturated the airwaves with their own brand
of advice.
Roy became the last of the self-help gurus
people came seeking advice from.
Roy was washed-up. Finished. 
Then Roy's brilliant son, Mark Masters,
came up with a brilliant idea. Roy would revive
his career with a "comeback TV special."
MSNBC was contacted and agreed to
air "ROY '98," a one-hour special featuring
Roy singing and dancing. The ratings were incredible!
Roy surged back to the
number 1 spot as America's main advice giver!
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------




------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------





------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


ROY MASTERS SPECIAL GUEST AT ROYAL WEDDING








 London -- British Born-Cult Leader Roy Masters was a special guest at the Royal Wedding of
Prince William and his lovely bride Kate Middleton. "We could not have held this wedding
without his approval and great wisdom," said the dapper Prince William at today's
extravagant ceremony in London at Westminster Abbey.
     "Both William and I do his meditation exercises on a daily basis," said the
 Queen-in-waiting just before the two were officially married.
"Through his constant scolding of the American people, Roy has brought the best in
 British manners and ways to those uncultured hooligans," exclaimed the
 Royal couple.
     "Although for 25 years, I said that 'all women are whores,' I will make an
exception today in consideration of this charming ceremony--at least until he
has to start dealing with her behind the castle walls," said Masters.
     Roy was attired in a suit from Hugo Boss and a tie from Gucci.
 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


ROY MASTERS UNVEILS HIS BIRTH CERTIFICATE

After years of pressure from listeners, political enemies and average people,
cult leader Roy Masters has unveiled his official birth certificate.

                                                                         (click to enlarge)
When doubts began to grow that Roy was not really
from England and was putting on a phony accent just to charm
Americans into sending him money, the question of
Roy's real origin became a national priority.

"He's a phony!" said a disgruntled listener of Roy's.
"I sent him money only because he mesmerized me
with that seductive British accent. He's no more from
England than is Leonardo DiCaprio!"

After a national media movement began to determine
if Roy really was from England, he finally decided to
release his official birth certificate for everybody to see.

"There!," said Roy today in his trademark accent.
"Now you can all send me money again."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


STATUE OF ROY UNVEILED IN GRANTS PASS, OREGON

Dateline - Grants Pass, Oregon

The town of Grants Pass in Southern Oregon has erected a statue to its most famous citizen--cult leader Roy Masters.

Masters began his cult in the tiny town in the late 1970's and soon convinced thousands of people to follow him, constantly repeating on the radio that "it is the only safe place in America when the nuclear bombs start dropping. The way it is situated, the radioactivity will pass right over the town." (actual quote)

Masters' high school dropout sons and daughters followed and were miraculously able to all start businesses from large amounts of money given to them by obedient followers of their dad. (Roy refers to one who still pours money in his pocket as his "sugar daddy.") Roy's daughter appeared on her dad's million dollar radio station and told high school students "You're all wasting your time in High School. You need to start a business instead."

The tiny town grew as his followers took over businesses, homes, schools and Masters' Foundation of Human Understanding where his brethren attended church weekly and salivated as their "Great Leader" spoke.

We have erected this magnificent statue to our "Great Leader" said a Roybot couple, Steve and Vicky.

"We can now pay tribute to Roy anytime we want and show our love and devotion to this great man."


Regular folks traveling through Grants Pass are advised to wear headphones at all times to avoid brainwashing by its residents.


                                           Roy's Followers bow at the feet of his grand likeness.


Visitors to Grants Pass, Oregon take pictures of
the town's great Cult Leader.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


EDITORIAL:

ROY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, CAN YOU STOP BEING SUCH A MEGALOMANIAC?


On tonight's program, you stated:
*You Have The Only Cure For PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
which 15% of all our returning troops are suffering from.
ROY: "I have the only known cure. The V.A. Hospital knows it, the military knows it...etc."

Of course, you are referring to your meditation.

However, the military has been aware of general meditation techniques as a possible cure as they are aware of everything else including psychiatric drugs, music and dance therapy, yoga, conventional talking psychotherapy and due to political pressure, they can't admit it--that marijuana has been helping thousands of soldiers who have to obtain and medicate secretly (except in California).

Here is an article that discusses the government giving million dollar grants to try different cures:
http://www.wired.com/dangerroom/2008/03/army-bioenergy/

If you weren't such an arrogant egomaniac with schizophrenic and narcissistic delusions in claiming that you have the only cure and the whole military knows it--maybe you could apply for one of the grants.

And here's a better idea. How about America stop invading other countries at a cost of over $500 million a day, and stop sending our youth to fight on behalf of the military-industrial complex which runs this country and are nothing but a bunch of war profiteers who could care less if our young people die or are damaged for the rest of their lives.

You claim to represent Jesus. Do you think he would be rooting for America to keep wars going on a continual basis or would he like to see the work of the peacemakers instead?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ROY CHOOSES HIS REPLACEMENT!

       Roy Masters has chosen his replacement to carry on his legacy as cult leader and self-proclaimed advice giver. Roy, who has been reminding his audience that he knows he doesn't have much time left, has decided to officially select the person who will carry on as the official spokesman for the Foundation of Human Understanding.
     "Most people thought it would be David Masters, but he is missing some of the needed qualities of one of my lesser know sons," said the aging self-proclaimed wise man.
     "I have selected Chuckie Masters, the youngest of the Masters boys. We have kept him hidden away all these years at the Tall Timber Ranch where he keeps himself occupied in the woods and ocassionally interacting with visitors."
     "It was a tough choice for me. Neither Chuckie nor David are in control of their emotions and regularly throw bizarre tantrums, but both have been under my thumb all their lives and seem to like it. The big difference is that Chuckie is very convincing with people. He seems to always get his way and his point across. David is lacking in that area."
     Roy says that he will retire soon and Chuckie will take right over. Chuckie briefly commented on the announcement. "Either donate to the Foundation or I'll kill all you little bastards."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

quotations from chairman roy




















The masses flock to Roy carrying copies of his book of quotations


it's the world's
best-selling book!
Cherished and respected by
over 1 Billion People!


 




 

Average Workers joyfully
share the wisdom of Roy


"All Women Are Whores"

"All Democrats are Communists"

"My Logic is Flawless"


"I am the Closest Thing on Earth to Jesus"

"Women are the Cause of all the Misery and Suffering on Earth"

"The Dirty Deed is only for Making Children"

"I Have Never Been Wrong in 40 Years"

"The More Educated you are, the More Perverse you Become"

“Listen, Most of You are Mentally Ill"


“Ladies and Gentleman, let me Suggest that you are a Stupid Bunch of Bastards.”
“Go to Hell Where You Belong.”

“I am an endless source of knowledge when concerning the human condition."

"95 Percent of Americans in this Country are Very Sick People but Don’t Know It."

"Don’t you understand the future? It is very, very bleak.
Roy Masters is the only person, and I’m saying it right now,
who knows exactly what to do, precisely."



















--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE GISELA CALL










A woman named Gisela with great sadness in her voice called Roy. She claimed that she was “having a hard time coping” with the fact that her husband had just passed away. After asking the woman if she had his CD and finding out that she had his meditation tape…Roy commented, “It’s only natural to grieve. To grieve for a month or a couple of months, but it will go away and you will learn to live your life. The only thing that will become depressing and dangerous is if you resent not having him.” Gisela stated that she didn’t think she resents him now for dying, but admits that she did when he was alive--because of their need for each other.

ROY: “You have a terrible need for your husband, not to love him, but to hate him. He’s a love-hate object. You love to hate. You need him and it’s not healthy. You don’t love your husband. You only miss him because, since he isn’t there, you have to look at yourself. You have to look at your own miserable self. Did you know that if the world was perfect, nobody could stand themselves. We all need someone to hate, to divert away from our own guilts. Sorry about that. None of us are as nice as we think we are. If the world would suddenly become perfect, most people couldn’t stand themselves. If everything goes too well in the household, they throw a monkey wrench in the works, they have to cause something to go wrong so they can get upset. They have an addiction to being angry. To divert their attention away from what’s wrong with their own lives, by looking at what’s more wrong with somebody else. That’s the way human beings are, sorry to say. Those that think of themselves as human. They’re not really human at all. And you’re certainly not. You’re a foolish old woman. That’s what you are. And it’s about time you looked at it. And not be angry because I told you. You’re a foolish old woman. And if you’re not careful, you’ll die and go to hell. I’m sorry, but you’re a bitter woman. And by your own admission, you resented him while he was alive and now you’re moaning and groaning because he’s gone because you think you’re missing him and… no you don’t miss him, you don’t miss him for the right reason. You don’t miss him cause you loved him, you miss the hate object. To divert you from your own miserable existence. You set him up to fail all your life. And now he’s walked out on you. And then you’re too ugly to find another guy. Who wants you now? Serves you right. If you can take that like a woman and not be upset with me, you might get better. That’s the truth. And I don’t mean to be mean. But it’s the truth. I don’t hear you complaining. Gotta go now. Bye.” “Sorry, but what can you do? You gotta be brutally truthful sometimes. How many people got angry just now? Hands up. How many people are so angry that they can’t call me? You should be angry, if you think I did something wrong just now, you call me. Wanna know why you can’t call me? A- Because you haven’t got courage. B-You want to hold a judgement against me.

US: ”MR. MASTERS, THIS IS WHERE I DISAGREE WITH YOU… It is obvious that this woman was in great need. She needed an understanding and compassionate person to help her at this point in her life. What you did was inhumane. If we hear about a woman named Gisela committing suicide, we’ll know whom to blame. If you were a licensed psychologist you would lose your license after doing what you did here. But you are not. The things you said to her were just horrible. You could have stopped after discussing the grieving process. That would have been enough. But you didn’t. You decided to take advantage of her weakened state and demonstrate your bravado in order to bolster your own ego, in front of what you knew would be a shocked audience. If you thought we would all be impressed by your behavior--we were not. We would have been impressed with somebody who used great kindness and understanding in this particular situation. If I were you, knowing I might be going into life or death surgery, I would be praying and begging for forgiveness for what I did to this woman.Roy, what you did to Gisela was not only cruel--it was horrifying, disgusting and inhumane. She called you in hopes of finding a way to come to terms with her husband's death. Gisela spoke to you for exactly one minute. You ripped her apart with your "schoolyard bully" tactics. You couldn't control your misogynist psycho-babble. It was the most hateful tirade I've ever heard on the radio. And YOU are a man who claims to receive guidance from Jesus. It's obvious you're trying to copy the hate-filled techniques used by "Dr." Laura Schlesinger--a woman who is as grubby, shrill and low-class as you are. The only difference between Schlesinger and you is...she's wealthier and has a larger audience for her circus act. Your hatred for women is pathetic. It's obviously due to a serious problem you had with your mother when you were a young boy. You decided at a very early age to hate ALL women--and your hatred has turned you into a monster. I feel pity for you. I also have contempt and disgust! You childishly and irrationally told Gisela that she is "too ugly" to find another husband. Roy, YOU are the ugly one..spiritually and emotionally.
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ON ANY GIVEN DAY, THEY'LL MAKE MORE SENSATIONAL, LIBELOUS, SLANDEROUS, SCANDALOUS, EXAGGERATED, MALICIOUS, VULGAR, CHEAP, RUDE, CRITICAL, LEWD AND ABUSIVE STATEMENTS--THAN YOU'LL MAKE IN YOUR LIFETIME...

YET--YOU CRITICIZE THEM OR THEIR STATEMENTS--
AND THEY'LL BE CRYING ON THE RADIO ABOUT HOW MEAN AND UNFAIR YOU ARE--AND THEN THEY'LL SEND THEIR LAWYERS AFTER YOU. THEY BELIEVE THEY SHOULD HAVE "FREEDOM OF SPEECH" BUT NOBODY ELSE SHOULD. "FREEDOM OF SPEECH FOR ME--BUT NOT FOR THEE"
THE SAME TIME THIS WEEK, WHILE MICHAEL SAVAGE WAS USING HIS FREEDOM OF SPEECH TO REFER TO AUTISTIC CHILDREN AS OUT OF CONTROL BRATS, HE RECEIVED WORD THAT AN ORGANIZATION WHICH HE SUED FOR DARING TO CRITICIZE HIM, WERE ENTITLED TO THE SAME FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

MICHAEL SAVAGE, ROY MASTERS AND THEIR CULT OPERATED TALK RADIO NETWORK HAVE SPENT HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN THE PAST SUING THOSE USING THEIR FREEDOM OF SPEECH PRIVILEGES (INCLUDING US).
AFTER THE EXTENSIVE PRESS COVERAGE THIS WEEK OF SAVAGE'S MOST RECENT IDIOCY, THAT'S A LOT OF PEOPLE THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE TO SUE.

LISTEN UP YOU ARROGANT MORONS. THE 1ST AMENDMENT GUARANTEE OF FREEDOM OF SPEECH IS FOR ALL AMERICANS WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. IF YOU WANT TO BE FASCIST NAZI PIGS, GO START YOUR OWN COUNTRY ON AN ISLAND THAT ONE OF YOUR BRAINWASHED FOLLOWERS CAN BUY FOR YOU.

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ROY WINS "BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT"


ROY MASTERS stunned audiences worldwide with his rendition of "The Impossible Dream" from "Man of La Mancha" on the number one U.K. TV show, "Britain's Got Talent." Roy's phenomenal singing voice even had the TV show's harsh judge Simon in tears. "Not only is he a brilliant talker, but his singing moved me as never before."

Roy says he would like to star on Broadway, "but there's too many friendly guys there if you know what I mean."

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ROY MASTERS DESTROYS SPONGEBOB WITH HIS "GRAVITY" EXPERIMENT

Roy Masters, advice giver, cult leader and now self-proclaimed expert on "GRAVITY," has performed an experiment which has gone all too wrong.

Masters, who never went past 8th grade but believes he is now a physicist, has declared "I know more about gravity than the scientists."

Roy's hodge-podge and psychobabble about "gravity" is total insanity and incomprehensible to the average person--with only Roy appreciating his own brilliant discoveries:

"Gravity is lighter on the outside of the earth and the moon" proclaims the world's newest and greatest physicist.

Yes Roy, and when the moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then peace will guide the planets and love will steer the stars.

Basically Roy, "gravitationally speaking," the Earth sucks.

In his first gravity experiment, Roy Masters has taken the happy and cheerful Spongebob we all know as pictured in the first photo below.

After applying intense amounts of gravity to him, the second photo reveals what Roy has done to poor Spongebob.

Roy, you really should publish your theories in a scientific journal.

The scientific community is much too serious and could use a good laugh.
Spongebob BEFORE Roy performs his "gravity" experiment.








Spongebob AFTER Roy performs his experiment.


















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EDITORIAL: Roy, You Should Be Ashamed Of Yourself.

For 44 years, you have fully taken advantage of the privileges available in this country offered by the Bill of Rights and the Constitution regarding Freedom of Speech. You have made some of the most sensational, inflammatory remarks ever heard in the history of talk radio about Women, Men, Democrats, Americans, Liberals, Wives and every member of the human species. You have yourself admitted many times that you know people find these remarks to be shocking, repugnant and overbearing.

In the last few years, you and your family topped this accomplishment by taking a highly controversial local talk show host named Michael Savage and marketing his show nationwide. Through your Talk Radio Network (
www.talkradionetwork.com), you are now the owners, producers and distributors of this show. Let’s cut through the bullshit. No matter how many times you change the “corporate” name or arrangement, whether it is Talk Radio Network, Inc., The Original Talk Radio Network, Inc., Talk Radio Network LLC, and remove your name as President of the organization, a visit to Southern Oregon will find your son Mark running the business and your son David producing the program. It’s OK. Corporations are made for people to separate their personal legal liability from what the company does. That is not the issue.

But this is. Michael Savage has gone further than any talk show host has ever gone with his/her First Amendment Rights. His verbal attacks on Women, Hispanics, Blacks, Gays, Jews and many other groups in our society make you sound like a Boy Scout. Any day, within 5 minutes, he will make the most vulgar, obscene, offensive, appalling and revolting statements about other human beings. But this is America and he has the right to do so.

And other Americans have the right to support or criticize the statements made by Michael Savage or Roy Masters. And they may do so in a casual conversation in a coffee shop, or on a web site. Both are protected by the First Amendment of the Bill of Rights of the Constitution of the United States.

However, you, your family and the others involved with you apparently decided: “Freedom of Speech For Me--But Not For Thee.” You filed lawsuits against three web sites that were criticizing what Michael Savage said which also encouraged the boycotting of his advertisers.
You thought you could intimidate them into removing their web sites by draining them financially.

But you found out differently. They contacted a number of First Amendment organizations that were willing to defend them at no charge. Which is what I had to do when you tried the same crap with me last summer. You would be surprised how quickly phone calls get returned when your name comes up.

After some $50,000. plus in legal expenses to you, you decided to drop all the lawsuits.

The First Amendment mutually protects Michael Savage, Roy Masters, www.michaelsavagesucks.com and www.roymasters.com--whether you like it or not.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

------------------------------------------------------------
 

THE GRANTS PASS HILLBILLIES



The Ballad of Roy Masters
(sung to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies TV Theme Song)

Come and listen to my story ‘bout a man named Roy,
at first he was a Jew, but he turned into a Goy
he had a great idea that came like a lighting bolt,
he’d come to LA and start a religious cult

He started FHU on Venice Blvd.,
he did exorcisms and worked real hard
the kin folks said “move up to Grants Pass”
get free money from Wilhelm and sit on your ass

Tall Timber Ranch…
KOPE…Talk Radio Network…

You all come back now…ya hear?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DELIRIOUS MASTER ROY-G





Your comment on how the LEFT are “buffoons and bitches” makes you sound like
a rap or hip-hop artist. So I have given you the name DELIRIOUS MASTER ROY-G.

Well, Master Roy. Let me say--that makes the RIGHT “clowns and bastards.”

While the “clowns and bastards” couldn’t think for themselves in their
non-questioning support of George W. Bush, it was the “buffoons and bitches”
who insisted that he was lying and there were no Weapons of Mass Destruction
as a pretext to enter Iraq.

If George W. Bush is so interested in promoting Democracy, why doesn’t he invade
China where political prisoners work all day in slave labor camps making
products for Wal Mart? Why doesn’t he invade North Korea where the
people live in an Orwellian “1984” nightmare?

Since you are a great communicator, I move that George W. Bush put you in charge
of calling American moms and explaining to them how their sons and daughters
have just given their lives for Democracy. Since we’re all good friends in Iraq now,
you can also call the Iraq moms and explain to them that their family members
who are part of the daily slaughter have also given their lives for
American-style Democracy.

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Roy received a call from a Jewish Rabbi that wanted to talk about various philosophical issues.
What could have been a wonderful interaction was turned into a one-sided diatribe by Roy, who kept interrupting the man and wouldn't let him finish a sentence. Then Roy hung up on him.

Later on Roy justified this by saying, “Now there’s a rabbi that wants to preach to me.
Show me where I’m wrong. Don’t preach to me”

"Don't be upset that I don't let people finish what they are saying. Tell me where I am wrong."

This was a wonderful telephone call until Roy ruined it. It was fascinating and compelling, but Roy does not want to hear anybody else's opinion.

Oddly enough, this phone call was followed by a ROYBOT who sickeningly lavished praise on Roy and clearly thought he was some kind of God. The man was licking Roy's boots. Roy loved it and did not hang up on this man. He kept him on throughout commercials and breaks. It was worse than Oprah.

The rabbi's call made for outstanding radio programming. It was engaging, thought-provoking, entertaining and informative.

Roy proved once again he doesn't want to hear any opinion but his own.

Roy, stop bragging that "nobody has disagreed with me in 44 years" when you won't let them speak.

You are a SCHMUCK ("an endearing Jewish term") according to Roy last night.

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ROY CURES AIDS!

ROY’S RECORDED STATEMENT “I want to read you just a quick letter from Africa. There’s a country in Africa, Tanzania. I’ve been communicating with those people over there and they listen on the Internet.They seem to be recovering from AIDS wholesale. As you know, there is a serious AIDS epidemic, but they don’t have the medicines. Guess what they’re using--the Meditation Exercises, ‘Be Still and Know.’ ”And, it’s not surprising, because in the early 80’s, I believe it was, I had some people from San Francisco, two gentlemen living together. And they deeply understood what I was trying to say…and trying to convey, that we should live by faith.”
“Back to Tanzania, and I do hope they are listening to this program.”
“I get EMAILS all the time. There is a clinic over there.
And they’re all getting better, from just about everything you can think of. There are some things of course that you can’t treat this way, but, there is a clinic over there run by some, I won’t mention names.
Here's a couple of paragraphs: ‘I’m doing well. Thank you for your reply. I’ve been teaching people the exercise as a medicine. I’m with this clinic whereby we treat by homeopathy remedies.
The top medicine in our clinic is the Meditation Exercise. We visit people in the villages, and many of them have been cured through the exercise. They relax, get the true knowledge that the source of all the disease is emotional and that anger and doubt and resentment is basically their problem.’ ”
MR. MASTERS, THIS IS WHERE I DISAGREE WITH YOU…
Tanzania is devastated with AIDS as is most of sub-Saharan Africa.
There are no known cures.
Tanzanians Living with HIV/AIDS--1.5 million.
Tanzanians who have Died so far--150,000.
Tanzanian Children who have become AIDS Orphans - 1 million.
This is the most irresponsible and irrational statement you have ever made.
You have abused the public airwaves and the rights given to you to operate a “church.”
 
Roy, there is nothing in these reports about AIDS in Tanzania being miraculously cured by your Meditation techniques. How come?


ROY TALKS ABOUT HONESTY

ROY’S RECORDED STATEMENT
“If a person is truthful, I mean truthful right down to the core, which is what I am as far as my own life is concerned , I live what I speak. I’d be dead if I didn’t live what I preach, if I didn’t practice what I preach.”

MR. MASTERS, THIS IS WHERE I DISAGREE WITH YOU…
Roy, were you being truthful when a man called you a few months ago and he said that his mother extremely despises you. And you asked why. And he said that she will never forgive you for when you used to say that “all women are prostitutes.” And you told the man that she is hallucinating. You claimed you NEVER said anything like that. And he insisted that she heard that remark from you many times. You made him and the audience think that the woman was a sick liar. Well…either you are also experiencing Alzheimers with your serious illness (which we are sorry about because we want you to live another 50 years so we can keep this going) because not only did you say that “all women are prostitutes” and “all women are whores” dozens of times during your “ENRAGED RADIO PERIOD” (circa 1978--1991), I heard it, my wife heard it, I spoke with a minimum of eleven other people who heard it (some who were just a few feet away from you when you said it) and they will all be willing to testify in a court of law about it. Was that being truthful? And don’t forget, we also have the recording of you calling Princess Diana a “whore,” the day after she died.
Were you being truthful, when after you talked non-stop on the radio about YOUR magazine, New Dimensions, which “was going to be bigger than Time Magazine,” which your family published and all held executive/management positions, you were the editor, you wrote the majority of feature articles, and when I asked you about the money you owed my wife and I for three exclusive celebrity interviews we put together just for you…you looked me in the face and said, “We never had anything to do with New Dimensions Magazine.” Was that being truthful?
It was at that point that I decided you had a total lack of integrity and were as much of a liar as the next guy.
Were you being truthful when you applied for a gun permit in Southern Oregon and under the penalty of perjury, said “no” to the question, “Have you ever been arrested before?” That got you arrested again.
Was that being truthful? You really should be checked for Alzheimers.
Would you like me to go on? I have many more examples I can share.
So please, do not set yourself up as some kind of saint who should be beatified. Because unfortunately... some people will believe anything they hear on radio or television.
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ROY MAKES US SCREAM!
















ROY'S RECORDED STATEMENT:
"I haven't had a call in 45 years that disagrees with me."


Mr. Masters, this is where I disagree with you:
We have at least a dozen instances on tape whereby a caller disagrees
with you and every time, you wouldn't let them talk any longer and cut them off.
On one noteworthy occasion, when a woman challenged you, you were so upset for the rest of the show, your voice was emotionally quivering, you kept making references to the call and you decided not to come back and do the second hour. You were so disturbed, you walked off your own show.

What does all this mean? Here are the possibilities:

1. You are experiencing serious dementia or Alzheimer's.

2. You have a bad memory.

3. You are engaging in hyperbole and rhetoric in order to create
a radio persona to get people to tune back in.

4. You are a liar.

We leave it to the audience to decide the reason.
They know people have disagreed with you many times and you have hung up on them.
Your additional related statements about how nobody will dare challenge you are also quite disingenuous. I have challenged you to a debate on your show numerous times and you refuse to accept.You are a coward.
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 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------






















 Roy has spent 53 years judging everybody else and is such an upstanding citizen.
 Yet he's been arrested 4 times in his life.
 Let's review the details:
Arrest 1--Beating up his uncle on the beach.
Arrest 2--Practicing medical techniques without a license.
Arrest 3--Allegedly hitting his wife. Details were sealed on this one.
Arrest 4--Declaring on an application for a concealed weapon permit that
                he had never been arrested before.

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"ALL MUSIC IS MIND CONTROL"--roy

N THE 1960's, ROY joined the Fab Four
to become the "FIFTH" BEATLE


IN THE 1970's, ROY got into Heavy Metal and modeled himself after his hero, Ozzy.

























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Associated Press – Grants Pass, Oregon


ROY MASTERS SAYS "NO HEAVEN FOR DOGS AND CATS."
ANIMALS REVOLT NATIONWIDE.


The animal spiritual growth organization SAFE--Spiritual Animals For Eternity,

is condemning a statement made by Roy Masters on his radio talk show,
"Advice Line" While discussing his views of heaven and the afterlife
with a caller, Masters suddenly blurted out the statement,

"dogs and cats are not there."

An uproar among the nation's dogs and cats has resulted in mass protests
against the self-proclaimed advice-giver.

"Are we not human? If you pinch us, do we not bleed?" said

Rex Rover, the president of SAFE. "Millions of cats and dogs were looking

forward to their ultimate reward. We spend lifetimes bringing joy and

companionship to our owners. Now we are being told that we have a

state of nothingness awaiting us" growled the SAFE spokesman.

Upon learning of the statement, SAFE dog members living in Southern

Oregon bolted from their homes in order to defecate on the doorstep

of the Foundation of Human Understanding. In homes elsewhere, SAFE

cat members scratched radio speakers into states of inoperability.

Veterinarians are warning pet owners, "Dogs and cats are suddenly very

temperamental and capable of any acts of retribution against Roy Masters

and his organization. Owners should look for foaming at the mouth and

other indications of hostility."

SAFE president Rex Rover warns, "We want Roy Masters to rethink his

dog and cat "no heaven" philosophy. We are creations of God and have

the same right to a heavenly afterlife as the homosapiens."

Calls to Roy Masters office were not returned.









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ROY PICTURE GALLERY













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Regular listeners know that since his multi-bypass heart surgery,
Roy has announced many times that he "doesn't have long" or "won't be around much longer."

Like all of you, we ponder daily,
"Who will take Roy's place?"


Our investigative reporters have learned that in anticipation of such an earth
shaking event, Roy has himself made arrangements for that eventuality.

20 years ago, in a secretive test tube baby laboratory behind the
Matsukaze Japanese restaurant in Grants Pass, Oregon, Roy has created
his successor, Mini-Roy, who will carry on all the activities of the regular Roy.

To guarantee the correct political indoctrination, fertilized Roy sperm was allowed
to incubate in a 22-year old Anne Coulter where nine months later, Mini-Roy was born,
complete with British accent. He has been sequestered this whole time on the
Masters' ranch in Selma where he works as a minimum wage laborer.
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“I NEED $20 MILLION”
The other night when you shamelessly begged
for money for 30 minutes, you said you need $20 Million in order
to properly get your message accross. While
you reminded us that this was “not a political show,” you
continued to discuss politics, as you claimed to know more than the President, world leaders and just about everybody else who makes political decisions. And you insisted you need $20 million to efficiently make sure you are heard by the entire nation.
You would like people to think that you are a sweet little
old man in a rocking chair who is the preacher at a quaint
little country church, barely making ends meet with
the modest stipend you are living on.

Here is how you can raise the $20 million so you can
set the nation straight:
1. Cash in all personal and business property owned
by Roy Masters, his sons and daughter and the Foundation of Human Understanding. This would include millions of
dollars in beautiful expensive homes in numerous locations, a ranch, commercial property including an entire block in
Grants Pass, Oregon, other business property and numerous
holdings including dozens of vehicles.

2. Sell the many businesses owned by Roy Masters and
his family, including real estate companies, a
publishing company and a radio network which is profiting by the
distribution of the “Mancow” show, which is--after Howard Stern--
the most lewd, pornographic, vile and immoral show on
the radio. Which you conveniently just look the other way about.

3. Just ask good ole “Mr. W” for a few million.
You’ve done it before and he’s always willing to share.

4. Cash in those Swiss bank accounts.
Very important people told me all about those secret accounts of yours many years ago.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 



 











DAVID MASTERS RECEIVES A VALENTINE
FROM THE PERSON
WHO LOVES HIM THE MOST
.
Dear David,
I LOVE YOU...I LOVE YOU...I LOVE YOU...I LOVE YOU...I LOVE YOU...
Just the mere thought of you makes me quiver and go out of control.
For it is not only your beautiful mind with its brilliant thoughts that gets me
so excited, but it your sexy and gorgeous body
that has set my heart aglow.

You are the most wonderful person I have ever met. There is nobody on this
earth that even comes close to your enthralling existence.
You are a walking and breathing piece of poetry.
Your words of wisdom are so captivating that it makes the angels sing!
Even your little beady eyes and big nose are so charming that
you remind me of a cuddly penguin.
I will always love you.
I LOVE YOU...I LOVE YOU...I LOVE YOU...from David Masters.
---------------------------------------



 











Roy
shows his support for the suffragettes as they
protest for the right to vote.


ROY
’S RECORDED STATEMENT
“My wife is my wife. And if she votes Democrat,
I’ll divorce her. ..She will not divide my vote.
Either she loves me or she doesn‘t.”


MR. MASTERS, THIS IS WHERE I DISAGREE WITH YOU…
Roy, if your relationship with your wife and your love for your wife
is dependent on how she votes, you certainly got married for
the wrong reason and I suggest that you immediately give either
Dr. Phil or Dr. Laura a call to discuss those issues.
On a more serious note, such a statement that
“if she votes Democrat, I’ll divorce her” is a very serious violation
of your wife’s civil liberties, the 19th Amendment to the Constitution
of the United States giving women the right to vote,
the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the Voting Rights Act of 1965
and I’m sure, the laws of nature as well.
 

---------------------------------------






IMAGE OF ROY
APPEARS ON EGG SALAD SANDWICH!






















     In what can only be described as a sign from the heavens, a Grants Pass roybot couple believe that an image of Roy has appeared on an egg salad sandwich!
      The roybot husband, Steve, was just about to devour the delicious sandwich, when the roybot wife, Vicki, suddenly screamed, "Don't Eat It!"
      "I couldn't imagine what came over her," said a startled Steve. "Then suddenly we both saw it there! Some of the egg salad which had covered a portion of the bread, was clearly the face of our great leader, Roy Masters."
      "I began to cry," said Vickibot, "and then both Steve and I began to experience a religious transformation--right there on the kitchen floor!"
      The couple says that they are going to have the sandwich preserved and "powdercoated" by a local Grants Pass business so it can be included in the hallway closet shrine they already had built for worshipping Roy.

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ROY'S RECORDED STATEMENT

“I’m not that popular because I point out that you are wrong.
99 and 9/10 percent of the people of the world are wrong.
Except me of course." 

Mr. Masters, This Is Where I Disagree With You...
Apparently you feel that you are not that popular because
you point out that people are wrong. We believe it is because you make
statements like “99 and 9/10 percent of the people of the world are wrong.
Except me of course." Trust us. That must be the real reason. Making a statement
like that is not
recommended for making friends or having anybody take you seriously. One thing that our current DEEP/RECESSION-NEAR DEPRESSION has accomplished in the last three years, it has made people humble. We have seen some of the most egotistical people come back down to earth
as they realize that the only ones in control of their lives these days are the major corporations--and the U.S. Government which kowtows to the corporations every whim and desire. We have seen some of the most egotistical and arrogant people realize that what they think and what they say means absolutely nothing anymore. And they are just like everybody else. Powerless. Roy we believe you are as much wrong as the other 99 9/10 percent people on the planet. The only person that might rank in the 1/10 percent right is Simon from "American Idol."

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ROY’S RECORDED STATEMENT
“The nature of a woman is that she needs to be loved and corrected--not screwed.
Pardon the expression. That’s not what she wants. Although that’s what she’s selling, in order to get the guy. Who she outscrews.”
“Women are like drug pushers. They have an inordinate power. They come into the world. The female sex is the inheritor, comes from a long lineage of the unloved Eve. Eve was never loved. She encouraged the downfall of the man.”
“The man-child that comes between her legs, where else, goes back like a spawning salmon. But he goes back to the witch in the woman.”

MR. MASTERS, THIS IS WHERE I DISAGREE WITH YOU…
I don’t know if I can listen to your titillating, sensual, erotic, X-rated radio program anymore.
 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                      CHILD SPONSOR INTERNATIONAL
 
WON'T YOU SPONSOR
LITTLE DAVY?


Age: 60
Grade: High School Dropout
Favorite Subject: Being Disingenuous
Favorite Play: Pretending He Is Smarter
                    Than Everybody Else
Gender: Boy
Chores: Picks Up After Daddy
Temperament: Prone To Uncontrollable
                   Emotional Outbursts
Location: Grants Pass, OR

 
David  - lives in Grants Pass, OR
Sponsor - $30,000 per month

David is waiting for a sponsor. He is 60 years old and lives in Grants Pass, OR. Like many Masters' children in his county, he needs your love and support to have access to things such as big homes, new cars,  restaurants, and an education, so he can grow up to be a healthy and productive adult.

David has been reserved for you to sponsor within the next five minutes. Just click the "Sponsor Now" button below to become his sponsor right now.

 
      SPONSOR NOW


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WHAT IF ROY SUED?